Dec6

Finally!

2009-05-30T18:09:00.000-07:00

Hello Girls! What a marvellous three weeks I got to see your brothers on Monday, May 4, 2009, and you girls on 11 days later, on May 15! What a day! I could not bring myself to write this most wonderful news, as I was floating on Cloud Nine and reliving our visits!

I remember trembling as we heard your dad and brothers coming up the sidewalk! I grabbed Savannah's head and hugged and kissed it. I could not grab you girls fast enough! You are SO big. I had a friend years ago in North Carolina, named Lottie, who used to call your mom and Tia "grownie". That's the word that came to mind when I saw you! Wow! You are SO grownie!

All my fears that you would not care about me anymore dissapeared when you gave me bear hugs! Later, you, Savannah told me how much you loved and missed me. An unsolicited bit of information that made me elated, and sad at the same time. When this mess first started, I hurt so badly, much if it due to thinking of how hurt you girls were at being ripped away from us. I KNOW it hurt you badly. When we used to go to your school for lunch, you would cry hysterically when we said we ought not to come, as we did not want you to get in trouble. I remember Eden's father telling us how antsy you were one day when we got there late. You kept looking at the door for us.

Well, I do not want to dreg up the past. I am very very grateful that your neighbor and your dad talked about allowing us to see each other. We've had two visits and I am happy as the happiest clam! I even weaned myself off the anti-depressant I've been on for five years.

I hope we can continue to see each other forever now! I am also extremely pleased that you can come to my house. Spending our visits only in the park was a REAL Mom Mom killer! I hope on one of our upcoming visits we can read and or bake something together!

You girls are just BEAUTIFUL! Your brothers are precious and you all are so loving and affectionate! I am finally a happy grandmother. I am very grateful to your dad for bringing you!

Look at these mighty handsome boys! MIcah just melted my heart on our last visit! I gave Mari some of the clothes I had bought you girls years ago. They were too small for Savannah, but Mari excitedly bagged them up and took them home. Shortly thereafter, Micah sidled up to me and asked " Don't you have any boy clothes?" I never expected him to notice or care about clothes- he's FOUR! Well, I did not have any that fit him- allt he clothes I had bought him, but was not allowed to give him were for a baby! So, I had a wonderful time shopping for boy clothes the other day! Now, on the next visit, I can tell him I DO have boy clothes for he and his brother!

I LOVE you all MORE than chicken!

Love, Mom Mom
xoxoxoxoxoxox

2009-04-24T11:34:00.000-07:00

http://www.heartphotoart.com/

See what this site is all about!

Belated Easter Message

2009-04-22T19:12:00.000-07:00

Hi Sweeties,

I'm late wishing you a good Easter. When I am that down about missing you, I just can't write, as I cry too much. I am still missing you just as much as ever, but I am doing OK today. I hope you had a good Easter!

Did the Easter bunny bring all of you lots of goodies? Luna found eggs around the house, then at church, and then at friend's house! She wanted us to keep hiding eggs for her to find, for two days! We dyed eggs Saturday night, and I made a ham dinner Sunday evening. Overall, a very quiet and nice Easter. Of course, I thought of you constantly!

I just saw Cindy Anthony on TV, and she said just what I felt... she did not want to keep living without her granddaughter, who was killed. I also did not want to go on living without seeing you girls, and then your brothers. Thankfully Pop Pop and Lisa were very supportive, and Luna too was there for me. I think of you all the time, and you must get tired of me saying that, but I want you to know how much I miss you, and how terribly hard this is for me.

We are still in Colorado, but will be coming home soon. I dreamed about you girls again last night. I ran into you in a restaurant, and even though your mom told you to ignore me, you both ran over to me and hugged me and we all smiled and hugged. You both had ear to ear smiles, and I did not want to wake up!

You girls are always in my thoughts and alwasy in my heart. I miss you so much!

Before long, we will see each other again!

I love you more than chicken!
x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0
Love, Mom Mom

Dreams

2009-03-31T21:06:00.000-07:00

Hello Sweeties,

Last night I dreamed I saw you again. In my dream, your dad and some friends ran into me at a store, and he asked if I would come watch you girls while he did something. I was thrilled. Mari led me upstairs to your room (in my dream, you had a two story house). There I found Savannah sleeping. I felt like we were in Heaven. It was such a good, magical dream, I hated to wake up. I cried during the day when I remembered my sweet dream.

It is SO hard not to see you. I feel like a big chunk of my heart is gone. I can hardly wait for the day when I can see you and hug you and tell you I love you.

Well, Tia got back from the Netherlands! She brought us lots of goodies, and she had a great time.

I'll Never Stop Loving You

2009-03-14T09:12:00.000-07:00

Hello Girls,

I just know when you get a bit older and see this blog, you will find me and we will be reunited! Just know I think of you ALL the time, and miss you so much, I feel I will explode! I remember when I was your age... I ADORED my Mom Mom and would have been very angry if anyone separated us! I remember how you loved us and were so free with your hugs and kisses and "I love you, Mom Mom". I remember when you, Savannah asked if I was going to die one day, and how she cried at the answer. Telling you it was a long, long time away barely cheered you up! We were in Target and you clutched my hand and hugged me. I will never forget that. I remember how you begged me to never be far from you, asking us to move to California if you moved there. You girls and Luna are just the sweetest girls.

We're on out way to Tia's house! Have a wonderful Easter - I'm wishing I could see you! I will be having fun with Luna, and we all wish we could spend Easter together. Of course, one day I will share the photos with you!

I love you more than chicken AND chocolate!
Love, Mom Mom
x0x0x0x0x0x0x

Happy Birthday, Savannah!

2009-02-24T15:56:00.001-08:00

Happy 11th Birthday, Savannah
Miss Sweet Pea!

Happy Birthday to you! Eleven years old, already! Here is a picture of the Nemo cake you and I made for your 6th birthday! Do you remember going all over to find a Nemo figurine for the cake? You were SO proud of this cake! You are in your pajamas too, from having spent the night with us.

I thought I was doing OK today, but I always get lumpy-throated and teary-eyed on holidays and your birthdays. I miss you so much. Nothing in this this life has been as hard as being down the street from you and not seeing your sweet faces, and feeling your sweet, tender hugs around my neck. God I miss you. I'd gladly give up all I own to see you and visit you.

Still, I have faith that one day we will see you again. We will have SO much catching up to do! You can meet the new puppies, Cualli and Sophie, and I can hear all about your friends and school, and your little brothers. Do you know that *I* rode a Harley motorcycle for a few minutes on Sunday? Yes! I was scared, but I did it! I'll tell you about it one day. I thought since I am getting older, I ought to try a few things!

I hope you had a wonderful party! I love you more than chicken, my sweet pea!
Love, Mom Mom
x0x0x0x0x0x0

Happy Valentine's Day Sweeties

2009-02-14T18:43:00.000-08:00

Hi Girls,

I know you don't remember when this picture was taken! Look at Mari's spaghetti mess! Look how small you all are! This MUST be around Valentine's Day, 2003. What fun we were having with Tia and Luna!

I hope you had a good day! Did you have a Valentine party at school on Friday? I wish I could have given you a Russell Stover box of candy today! Russell Stover chocolates is sort of a tradition in our family. I remember MY Mom Mom and Aunt Alice always getting Russell Stover candy, the best according to them! I remember your mom wanting Russell Stover too! Funny!

Pop Pop sneaked out and brought home a steak dinner from Applebee's for a Valentine's Lunch. I really don't like to go out much anymore, so this was a nice surprise. Mmmm mmmm good! Luna made Pop Pop and I Valentine's cards, and mine is in Spanish! Luna is taking Spanish clesses in school.

I'm so happy to have spoken to your mom, 3 times this year! I'm SO hoping she will decide to let us see each other this year! I miss you so much. I never stop missing you and think of you all the time! Take care of yourselves, and remember I love you more than chicken. I love you more than Russell Stover chocolates too!

Love, Mom Mom
x0x0x0x0x0x0x

Another Call

2009-02-07T20:07:00.000-08:00

Well, to continue... I DID get a return call from my daughter, and I was very glad to have gotten it. I was told that Savannah is a certified scuba diver, at 10 years old! I'm SO proud of you sweetie!

I learned that Mari is very good in school! Go Girl, I am proud of you too! It feels SO good to know something!

I asked if I could talk to the girls and Danniele said she would think about it. Danniele also gave me her email address, which I promptly misplaced. My request to friend me on Facebook go refused. ;-(

I waited a few weeks and called Danniele again. No response, but she did call me back the next day. This time I got to now that Mari still has eczema, but only on her feet, and that Lucah also suffers from eczema. Micah escaped it. Danniele still has not decided if I can talk to the girls. I also now have Danniele's email address.

It IS hard to talk after all these years of silence. Danniele commented on it, and so did I. Still, it is sure nice to talk to my daughter. Danniele, if yiou ever see this, know that I love you and I wish we could see each other and the girls. It would be wonderful if you would call Lisa too. Consider the kids. Savannah and Mari would love to see me again, and also Luna and Tia. We're family!

I miss those kids so so much. I try not to think too much about them as I still get teary eyed and a knot in my stomach when i think of them.

It would be wonderful if I could send Savannah a present for her upcoming birthday!

Ta Ta for now. I LOVE you Savannah and Mari! I hope to see you soon!
Love, Mom Mom
x0x0x0x0x0x0

UnHappy New Year

2009-01-13T13:22:00.000-08:00

The long anticipated call arrived. Twice on New Years day. I missed the first two calls, not having my cell phone with me. The third call came on January second. It was my estranged daughter. We had a polite, short, 2-3 minute call. I was happily surprised. She had not spoken to me in over 4 years.

She said I could email her via Facebook.

I did.

I told her I was happy to have heard from her. I got no response. I tried messaging her through Facebook again. Stiil, no response, yet I see she has been online. She won't add me as a friend, so I can only blindly message her. I can't see her page.

I tried calling her, and have left two messages, no return call. I think I got the message - she does not want to talk to me again. But why call at all, and make three attempts on two days? I am baffled. I knew it would be a slow process, but I never expected to be ignored again.

More than baffled, I feel myself returning to that depression I went through right after the last day I saw the girls. Unable to contain my tears, I cry alot. I feel the knots in my stomach, and I have trouble getting a breath.

After her call, my first thought was we could slowly work our way into being a family again. My second thought was I would be able to see the girls again, and maybe the little boys I don't even know. My third thought was that I could stop the antidepressant I needed to go on three years ago. I don't like being on it. Yes, it helps with the sadness, but it also makes you flat, so you don't even experience happiness either.

I am totally puzzled and saddend and wish this nightmare could be over. Please.

Merry (After) Christmas

2008-12-29T12:08:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas, girls! I thought of you all day! I wondered what you got for Christmas and how much fun you were having! We an an excellent calm and peaceful day. Lisa, Luna, Pop Pop and I opened presents, and ate our traditional cinnamon rolls and orange rolls. The I put the turkey in and we played with all our new gifts! Pop Pop gave me a digital frame, so we can see yours and Luna's picture on display all the time! Tia gave me some gorgeous pants and Luna gave me a pink robe, that she painted "Mom Mom" on. Pop Pop and Tia also gave me gift cards! Luna painted a tool box for Pop Pop that says "Poppy's Tools". It's adorable.

Before we came back up here, I went shopping in Phoenix. The Fire Fighters were out front asking for new clothes for poor children. I was missing you so so so much, I went shopping for you! I bought clothes that I thought you would like and gave them to the firefighters for other little girls. Girls I also don't see!

Luna and I made peanut butter cookies and pumpkin pies. We had a peaceful dinner and then watched a video of Luna's Christmas program. I missed it because I was SO sick with bronchitis and asthma. It was a lovely day, but I thought of you sweet girls so much and missed you SO SO much.

Enjoy your Christmas vacation! Happy New Year! I love you more than chicken, and chocolate!
Love, Mom Mom
x0x0x0xx0x0x0

An Open Letter to My Daughter

2008-12-20T20:26:00.000-08:00

Savannah and Mari

For some reason, things have often been rocky between us. It would seem that now I have reached the age of 56 and you are now 33, things could be resolved. If not resolved, at least smoothed over so we can all contact each other, and the kids can know their maternal grandmother, and aunt and cousin!

You may think I deserve to be punished by not allowing me to see Savannah and Mari, and the two newcomers, Micah and Lucah. I disagree. We both made mistakes, and using the kids as pawns does no one any good. In the end it hurts the girls the most, and I know you don't really want that. Aren't you a little concerned that the girls may hold these lost years agaisnt you? I don't want that either. There is too much hurt and anger in this world to harbor and incubate any more.

You never really had a close relationship with a grandmother like I did. My Mom Mom was a saint to me, but I'll bet if you could have asked Nanny... she and her mother probably also had their moments. I always wanted to be a grandmother like my Mom Mom and I felt like I was pretty close! While I am as heavy as she was, I have never been able to put on a dress, hose and pearls to stay at home.

However, I do LOVE Savannah and Mari like my Mom Mom loved me. I adore them, and they adored me. We read, played, chatted, cooked and visited parks and other places. Savannah would spend the night with Lisa, and breakfast out together. I just can't understand how making your girls lose out on all that helps the situation.

I'm not trying to argue. In fact, I think I can keep quieter than most now. I have learned through the pain. I wish I could offer some reasons as to why I made you so mad. I honestly don't know... Undiagnosed depression, fear of airing our differences, stress, a constantly ill husband, and menopause must have turned me into a nefarious, wicked witch, and I didn;t know it. I don't know. Nothing I did pleased you.

No point in dredging up all that agony and heartbreak. Holding a grudge for this long is not good for YOU!

Let's be adults, no let's be Buddhas! Let's be positive, decent, humble, gentle and loving. It's Christmas! Let go... remember, bitterness is like acid -- it eats at the vessel that contains it.

It is very easy to forgive others their mistakes; it takes more grit and gumption to forgive them for having witnessed your own. ~ Jessamyn West

Forgiveness is a sign that the person who has wronged you means more to you than the wrong they have delt. - Ben Greenhalgh

Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hatred is the weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves. - 5 people you meet in heaven

I don't know what I can do to change your mind. All these wasted years are gone forever. Let's not waste more. I'm not getting any younger.

Just know I love you, Savannah, Mari, Micah and Lucah. I BEG you to let go of this grudge and let's get this behind us. If you decide to hate me till my death, at least let me see the kids. Please. It's all I want for Christmas.

Love, Mom

Happy Birthday, Mari! Now you are 7!!

2008-11-24T11:47:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Sweetie! I hope you have a wonderful day! I'm thinking you had your party yesterday or Saturday and wondered where it was and how it was! I don't even have a clue what you would want for a theme anymore! Could it have been Hannah Montana? Scooby Doo again? Snoopy? I ache to see you and your sweet face again. This makes the fourth birthday party of yours I have not been able to atend. I still say one day I will be present at your birthday! If not, when you read this blog, know that you are always in my heart and I love you more than you will ever know.

I can't bear to write much more, as the pain of missing you and your sister and mom makes me cry, and I can't see to type! I'm posting a picture of us when you were less than one year old!

I love you to peices and miss you terribly! Till the future when we can meet again, I am your grandmother for always!

Love and Kisses and Hugs, Mom Mom

I love you more than chicken!

x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x

Estrangement Quotation

2008-10-17T08:40:00.000-07:00

I saved this quote a long time ago, and do not know the author. If anyone knows who wrote it, please let me know. It is very long, and I will post parts of it here, from time to time. They are not my words, but they are my feelings.

"When we allow ourselves to celebrate breaking our children's bonds with their grandparent, we have taken the low road. We have been small minded, ungenerous, unloving, a bad parent, and a small human being. Only serious forms of child abuse by the grandparent can warrant influencing our children to cut off their relationship with their grandparent."

Savannah Mari Stafford

No words

2008-10-14T10:22:00.000-07:00

Hello sweeties,

The picture above is Luna, playing a Greek statue in a Homecoming skit, on my 56th birthday too! (She looks as if she were in agony, no?)

As the two year anniversary approaches, the pain of not seeing you, or knowing your brothers has not lessened. I am not a writer, and am unable to express the pain I feel over not seeing you grow up, and how much I long to hug you! I recently read the following, excerpted, from a scrap booking newsletter I receive daily.

"You would think that the pain would have eased by now. But, it hasn’t. I can be going along with my day, doing normal things, when all of a sudden, out of the blue, that cold, hard-fisted, steel ball still hits me in the pit of my stomach as I think of... Savannah and Mari. (My words)."

"Fortunately, after I reel from the realization and pain, I immediately remind myself that we will, indeed, see (them) again"

You can read the entire post, lovingly written by Alberta Pugh, here on the Scrapgirl's site :

http://www.scrapgirls.com/NL/Chit_Chat_081011_Sat_Kandace.htm

I miss you oh so much! You girls are the first thing I think of in the morning, and the last thing I think of at night, and about a gazillion times in between. When I pick up your sweet cousin, Luna at school, I see a girl that looks a lot like you, Savannah, and I get that kick in the stomach feeling.

We are at Tia's house, and I love being here. this town has grown on me, and I know the better parts of town,. I am even taking some college classes! I pick up Luna after school, and make her breakfast and lunch in the morning! Even though it is hard to get up that early, I love going into the kitchen and making a nice meal for Luna. I get to spend about half an hour with her and Tia. Then, we all get to eat dinner together in the evening. It is SO wonderful for us.

Luna is finishing up soccer and will soon start swimming lessons! (At an indoor pool). This morning we had the first snow of this winter! Luna was very excited and could hardly wait to throw a snow ball at tia on the way to school!

I hope this school year is going well, and I sure would love to see you girls in your uniforms! (I never have!). Learn your schoolwork well, and you will do great! I miss you so much and will love you forever and ever!

I love you more than chicken!
Love, Mom Mom
x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0

Play and Win

2008-10-03T12:55:00.001-07:00

Soccer, Birthday and stuff

2008-09-15T19:15:00.000-07:00

Hi Sweeties,

Oh, I miss you SO SO much. There is a girl at Luna's school that looks so much like you, Savannah, it took my breath away when I saw her. Each time I see her, I feel like someone punched me in the stomach. I never stop missing you girls.

Last week was Pop Pop's birthday! Luna drew him a beautiful card, and we went out to eat at Chili's. I made a chocolate cake with peanut butter frosting. Mmmmmm. Luna decorated the cake all by herself, with candles and marshmallows! Cualli helped, as you can see!

The next day, Luna had her first soccer game. Tia and I were talking about your first game, Savannah, and how during one of your first games, you stopped and picked a dandelion for Tia! You were far more interested in bringing that flower to Tia than where the ball was! Well, Luna was too at first, but then she got into the game, and did very well! I am amazed that she could play at all since all the kid's uniforms were too big!

Isn't she cute in this HUGE uniform? I'm wondering if either of you girls are playing soccer now? It was such a pleasure going to Luna's game, in a nice green grassy field. We took Cualli too!

After that, Luna had a birthday party to go to! Wow, she is such a socialite!

Remember girls, I love you so much, and I look forward to seeing you one day. I think of you constantly and wonder how you are doing in school.

Your abuelo has called Tia so maybe one day there will be forgiveness all around.

I love you more than chicken!
x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x
Love, Mom Mom

New School Year

2008-08-28T13:19:00.000-07:00

Hello My Sweet Girls,

Luna started kindergarten on Tuesday! She was pretty excited, and was happy to see some of her pre-school friends at the same school!

(Yes, this IS Mom Mom and Pop Pop... getting older!)

She is riding the bus and loving it, so far! I sure hope you are having a good school year! I wonder who is walking you to and from school these days? It is sure hot now, but you won't have to trudge through snow like Luna will!

I am in the middle of painting Tia's and Luna's office. So back to work before the paint in my pan dries! I was remembering how I painted your rooms too! Blue with Winnie the Pooh borders for Savannah and lime green for Mari and Kirstan. I'll bet one of those rooms is now your brother's room, no?

I'll post some pictures when the office is all done!

Love you more than chicken!
Your forever grandmother, Mom Mom!
x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0

Tears

2008-08-27T19:42:00.000-07:00

Hello Sweet Girls,

I have finally learned how not to cry - usually. I never new it was physically painful to hold back tears- my eyes really hurt! I am often successful, but today the tears fell again. I got sad again, because I read this post, on a site I just love. This woman is addressing her grandmother, who has gone to heaven. She describes so well the pain I feel over not seeing your girls, and how I would love to know your brothers. Here is a copy of this wonderfully written letter- it says what I want to say!

"It’s four o’clock in the morning. Did you know? You know that’s not like me at all, but I had another dream about you. I miss you so much. Without the tiniest bit of cliché, I miss you so much it hurts. I can feel that spot in my heart, where you belong, collapsing. It’s not just a hole; it’s a void - a black hole - sucking everything else into it, creating more and more emptiness. I hate to admit it because it makes me sound like a spoiled, selfish child, but I want to look up to heaven and shake my fists at God and ask why He had to take you from me. I love you; I love you so much. But you know that, don’t you... didn’t you? I guess talking about you in past tense makes the fact that you are gone even more real.

I was there when you left. Did you know? It wasn’t scary or anything like I thought that it might be like. I wish that the people who made movies could experience (or maybe just talk to someone who has experienced) being with someone in their last moments. It’s not like it is in the movies. I know that it is different with every person, but you were finally at peace. You had been in so much pain. I am so glad you are not in pain anymore; but I miss you still.

I think I know now why people make deals with the devil. I am going to see you again, but I am so impatient. The thought of seeing you sooner is so tempting. Why is it that head-knowledge is so hard for my heart to understand?

You were worried about the kids remembering who you were. You should have had a little more faith in your “smart boy.” Jamison saw a picture of you, pointed his little finger at it and said “MeMa.” He loves you, too. I brought him to visit you before you left and you know what he said? He said, “MeMa’s sleepin’” and then he sang “Jesus Loves Me” and touched your hand.

There are so many things I want to tell you, but (wait, Margot cut two teeth last week) you’re busy. I also know that to be absent from the body is to be in the presence of Christ and I know there is no other place you would rather be than at the feet of our Lord. But, I still miss you, MeMa.... "

- Kelly Favor-Chronister

http://www.scrapgirls.com/NL/Chit_Chat_080827_Wed_Miss.htm

Dear Savannah and Mari, I love you forever! Sometimes I think is is best if you believe all that your parents have told you about me and Pop Pop, as it would make YOUR pain less. By now, you may not miss me at all, but I know you were terribly upset ABOUT the separation. You both cried when I told you this might happen. You sobbed when you told me Abuelo told you that Tia and I were no longer your family. Part of what hurt me more than anything, was knowing how hurt you two girls were when you thought you would not see us any more.

I only hope and pray that you are no longer sad. Just remember I am forever your grandmother and I will love you to pieces to my dying day!

I'll post later about Luna's first day of school!

Love you more than chicken!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Big hugs, Mom Mom

2008-08-20T09:32:00.000-07:00

Hello Sweeties,

How are my girls today? It is sunny and I am feeling better today! Last evening Luna and the neighborhood kids had so much fun playing after dinner, I thought I would share some pictures! It was fun for me, sitting ont he step and watching them... the last few days before school starts!

Here, Luna and her friends took turns pulling each other in a sheet!

Here, Luna and her friends played "Follow the Leader". Guess who was leader?

I just felt a strong urge to "talk" to you girls! I miss you so so much! I never stop thinking of you!

Oh, remember the angel bears I have- one for each of you and Luna, and 2 snow bears for Micah and Luca? Well, the boxes warped and turned brown from the sun. Pop Pop made a wooden bar and I have them and the snow bears for your brothers now, on my van dash. I will try to take a picture and post it soon! The angel and snow bears go everywhere I go... not that I need be reminded of you!

I love you lots, and think of you always! Sending BIG hugs to you!

Love you more than chicken!
Love, Mom Mom
x0x0x0x0x0x0

2008-08-18T19:38:00.000-07:00

Hello My Sweet girls,

I'm thinking of you starting this new school year and how exciting it is! I wish I could see you dressed for school, and buy you some clothes and school supplies like in the past - but remember I am always thinking of you, being in school, playing, and at home.

We are at Tia's house and Luna starts school next week! Tia's friend is friends with Luna's teacher and principal, and took Luna to see her room and meet her teacher today. Someone told Luna that she might get in trouble at school, and be sent to the principal's office! Now Luna is less worried and seems to be looking forward to school! Last night I ordered Luna a stainless steel drink bottle and Thermos, since now we know how bad plastics are.

Tia ordered her a cute pair of black shoes and I found her a pair of pink shoes, styled almost like ballerina shoes! She has new dresses and pants and shirts and today Tia bought her supplies- crayons, glue, Kleenex, and such!

We need to come back home soon for a week or so, as I need to see a neurosurgeon. While there we will search for boots and a new play jacket for Luna! Luna is also doing VERY well with her reading! She will be starting soccer too! I was telling her about how you, Savannah, used to play soccer too! Remember how we came to all your games?

Have you seen ads for the new move coming out this September? It's called The Hollywood Chihuahuas. Pop Pop and I are taking Luna to see it when we get back here.

These are some tee shirts we had bought for you and your brothers, and were going to mail them anonymously, but after your folks called the police on me for calling you, I decided not to do so. I just wanted you to see them when you can! I have decided to give them to Tia's friend's little boy, Jack. (He is a real cutie). The horse tee I gave to Luna. Savannah's tee is so big, it may fit Mari by the time we get to see her, so I am saving it.

Have you seen the news about the little 3 year old girl who is missing? Her name is Caylee Anthony. I surely know what HER grandmother is going through... as it hurts terribly that I can't see you! I don't even know if you are ever sick, break a leg, or need to have an operation. Sometimes, when flipping through my photos, and I find one of you, I gasp and it feels like a knife in my chest. I still am waiting for the day that I know will come... the day we see you again!

I love you more than chicken, and always will!
x0x0x0x0xx0x0x0x0x0x0
LOVE, Mom Mom, your forever grandmother!

Relatives and Stuff

2008-08-02T13:01:00.000-07:00

Hello Sweeties,

I've been thinking a lot about family the past few years, and how no one's family is perfect. Family members have squabbles often. A brother does not repay another brother. A grandfather uses improper English. An aunt criticizes everyone's clothes. We all have these type of people in our families. We may *BE* one of these people. Does this really make them a BAD family member?

I am so sad that your mom won't let us see each other. You know Abuelo also has not spoken to Tia and Luna in over 5 years! She never banned him from visiting or calling her- he could have called Luna, sent cards, gifts, etc., he just didn't! She would have allowed that. Your mom and dad however, will not let me send you cards or gifts, along with not calling or seeing you. It is nothing but sad that our family is divided .... over what? Really.

My great Aunt Alice used to tell me constantly to clean my glasses, cut my bangs, and stand up straight. She would pinch me if I did not pay strict attention to the priest in church. I never held it against her and loved her to pieces. My uncle used to tell me I was ugly, and it hurt my feelings when he took my male cousin fishing at night, but not me. I adored him anyway.

As you girls grow up, remember, your family is your family... strange, different, short, fat, tall, and even a little loco! I heard once that it would be boring if we were all alike. I think that must be right. Family shares a heritage as well as blood and chromosomes. I don't think you should give up on family. You should give them a bit more leeway, a wider berth. You should treat everyone well, but why would you treat a stranger better than family?

Ok... we are at Tia's house again, as Luna wanted us to be here for her first day of Kindergarten! She is so excited, and picked out a My Little Pony lunch box.

This morning we all went to the Farmer's Market! We saw lots of little dogs and bought nice organic fruits and veggies. Luna LOVES raw green beans!

Here she is tasting goat cheese!

Looking at plants for sale!

I'm guessing you girls have done your school shopping and have your lunch boxes and backpacks ready! How exciting! I sure wish I could see you on your first day of school too! I am very happy to see Luna's first day! I may even volunteer in her class, like I did in your's, Savannah! Won't that be great? We will probably be here for a while this time since the cost of gas is so high!

Well, I am going to go now. Remember I think of you a gazillion times a day, and miss you terribly! We are family and Tia and Luna also miss you so bad - it hurts us all.

I love you more than chicken and always will!
Love and Hugs, Mom Mom
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My Muse was Published!

2008-07-19T19:58:00.000-07:00

Hello My Very Much Missed Sweeties,

I recently wrote this little article, that was recently published! It's about how proud I am to be YOUR grandmother, your brother's grandmother, and Luna's grandmother!

I am not a beautiful woman... just ordinary, but like most women, I was attentive of my appearance. Not overly so, though. A clean face, blemish cream, a touch each of blush, mascara and powder were all the cosmetics I used. When people guessed my age to be younger than was so, I secretly smiled inside and enjoyed the moment.

At 45, I became a proud and doting grandmother. I took Savannah with me everywhere while my daughter worked. (I worked the night shift at the hospital then.) Often, while in the grocery store or at the park, people would imply that I was Savannah’s mother. “Are you going to carry this bag for your mommy?” a clerk would ask Savannah. I always kindly corrected the clerk, the librarian or other folks that I was Savannah’s grandmother and took a modicum of pleasure in their incorrect assumptions.

As the years passed and two more precious granddaughters arrived, assumptions that I was Savannah, Mari or Luna’s mother greatly decreased. No one ever asked or intimated that I was Luna’s grandmother though. Because Luna is of Korean, Caucasian and Latina heritage and I am very pale, people would ask if she were adopted or tell me it was a wonderful thing I had done, rescuing her from China! It made no matter to me; I loved being a grandmother to these precious girls.

Storm clouds approached and my youngest daughter estranged herself from me. As an added punishment, she banned me from having any contact with Savannah and Mari. I cried for months. Nothing worked to reconcile her to me. I missed my daughter and those granddaughters that I had practically raised. We adored each other - those sweethearts and I loved each other so much and were together constantly. We had made a “girl’s room” in our home for them, with pink walls and a baby rabbit wallpaper border. A pink and white quilt on a queen sized bed, shelves of children’s books and drawers of coloring books and toys filled the room. Blue’s Clues shower stickers were on the shower wall and little girl’s bath products and toothbrushes abounded in my bathroom. This made me SO happy.

I sat in a deep depression for a year. I cried rivers. After more than three years, I have slowly come to (mostly) accept that I won’t see Savannah, Mari or their two little brothers for a long, long time. I still have a broken heart and dream of them most nights. I still have time with Luna and my other daughter, and for that I am VERY grateful.

Back to my appearance... I have aged immensely in the past four years. The cry lines under my eyes are permanent, so they seem, especially since I tend to “refresh” them from time to time. No amount of sleep or face creams have helped. I acknowledge the folds and furrows under my eyes now as part of who I am. I don't fret over my appearance any longer, though I still use make-up and do my hair!

Last week, at the playground with Luna, my five-year-old granddaughter, a boy of about 12 asked me, “Are you her grandmother or something?” Immediately, I felt proud and replied with a smile, “Yes, I am her grandmother.”

I thought for a moment, I am SO glad that my first response to that question was pride and not remorse for appearing to be a grandmother! The more I thought about it, the better I felt! I am SO proud to be a grandmother. I LOOK like a grandmother and that is OK! In fact, it is wonderful and liberating!

All stages of life have their benefits and I am grateful to be where I am. I pray and pray that one day my daughter’s heart will soften and I can be a grandmother to Savannah and Mari and their two little brothers whom I don’t know. In the meantime, I scrap the girl’s precious photos and hope. I also beam at the title “grandmother.”

~ A PROUD Grandmother!

===================

I sure hope you girls are having a nice summer! I wonder if your school will go to a 4 day school week this fall. Did you go to the splash parks? I wondered if you went to see fireworks on the fourth as well.

We're getting ready to go to Colorado for a while. Luna asked that we be there for her first day of Kindergarten, and we are going. We might have gone up sooner, to escape this heat, but I need to have a second MRI. We'll go soon after, and come back if I need treatment. The heat sure does bother me more and more with each passing year! I look forward to the cooler weather, and cool breezes at Tia's house!

Luna and Tia got a new dog! They still have Botas, but they got a rescue dog- a blondish-white lab mix named Scarlet! She is really a digger and recently dug her way out of Tia's yard! Yikes! We've been caring for Thunderboy all this month and we know Cualli will miss him. We're sort of thinking of getting a smaller chihuahua for company for her.

Here's a picture of Cualli and her beloved squirrel toy! (It's a Beanie Baby dog toy!)

Love you girls more than chicken! Remember, I think of you a gazillion times a day, and love you more than chicken!

Love, Mom Mom
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My Bathroom

2008-07-05T12:25:00.000-07:00

Hello my Sweeties, Savannah and Mari,

Since I am feeling somewhat better these days, I thought I'd write more often! I was able to post the last note to you without crying, so I'm giving it another shot!

Remember the Blue's Clues stickers in my shower? Well, they are still there, and I thought I would show you! You are both too big now to really care about Blue's Clues anymore, but they were a part of your past at my house!

Your yellow colander of toys is still here too! It was a joy to have Luna play with them a few weeks ago. She LOVED playing with them, but she said she did not remember playing with you girls in the tub. She does have lots of pictures though of those days though! I sure hope that you can meet up with her again one day and be happy cousins again. She REALLY misses you girls! It goes without saying that PopPop, Tia, and I REALLY miss you too!

Now for NEW stuff! I am redoing my bathroom in CRABS! I still have your stickers and some of your art work, along with that picture of your mom and Tia in the Mexican frame on the walls.

I decided to make my bathroom whimsical, and the crabs DO make me smile! Here is a washcloth! I found all the things on sale at our favorite store- Target!

The hand towels- TA da!

A crabby frame of my three precious granddaughters! (The photo does not show up well, but it is very clear in real life!

And finally a funny looking crab tissue cover! This really brightens the room and makes me smile!

I haven't done a WHOLE lot of smiling the past few years, so I can really use this! I started cleaning out your shoes in the closet of your room, but did not last too long. There are about 12 pair of outgrown shoes that are SO cute and sweet. I packed up as many as I could in a box to keep, but I could not stop crying, so I quit. I also plan on packing up your Cherished Teddies and Painted Ponies collections for safe keeping - to keep dust off, as I can't go in your room easily. I did sleep in there with Luna while she was here... I looked at the glow-in-the-dark stars that you girls just loved, and got tears in my ears! Don't worry Mari, Luna did not touch the teddies or horses. It was so sweet to cuddle Luna in there, and memories of cuddling you girls, and reading stories and playing in that room flooded back. I miss you so so so much. Thinking of you is all I have and even wonderful memories feels like a stab in the heart. Still, I think of you ALL the time. I am CONFIDENT that one day I will see you again- when you are older. I love you so so much. Even though I know I am the grandmother, it still feels like I lost my own children. We were so so close. We are close, as I know you still love me and Pop Pop.

I love you more than chicken, and will always be your grandmother!
Love, Mom Mom
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Stuff

2008-06-29T23:56:00.000-07:00

Hi Sweeties,

It is SO hot! I sure hope you are having a great summer vacation. I'm wondering if you'll go visit your other grandparents - I know you have a great time there, and maybe it is cooler there!

When we took Luna home, we took her to the Dinosaur Museum. We had a great day there. Guess what she is reaching for in that box? It is old, old, old dinosaur poop! Yuk! But it was so old, it just looked like an old rock!

The next day Luna and I made pancakes, and I made her this dinosaur shaped pancake. At least, it is supposed to look like a pancake!

I still miss you as much as I did before... just writing to you makes me SO sad. Everywhere I go, I remember when WE went there. But, last week, coming home from baase, while passing the "Salt Mountains" you both loved to see and I felt such a strong presence of you two girls. I could almost touch it... it was as if you were with me, and it made me feel so happy! I figure you were thinking of me too, and I know one day we will see you again. I KNOW it, and I plan for it!

Can you believe I may have jury duty again? I need to call tomorrow night to verify that I need to go! Amazing. I hope this time it does not last 4 months! Yikes!

While at Luna's house, I also took her to a cafe for ice cream one afternoon. Remember this outfit? It was yours, Savannah. It was too large for Luna, but she wanted to wear it. She misses you and Mari a lot too, and asks when we can see you all the time. She will be starting kindergarten this fall!

Well, I had better go for now. I'm waiting for the day when we are reunited! I'm praying for your mom's heart to soften.

I love you more than chicken!
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Love, Mom Mom

Danniele Centeno

No police were needed!

2008-06-05T23:17:00.000-07:00

Hello Sweeties,

I am SO sorry about calling your house! I lost my head! Luna was at my house and SO wanted to play with you. I told her it would be impossible, but she asked if Danniele was mad at HER. I told her no, and she said she would draw your mom a picture to make her let you and Mari be able to play with her. I asked Marge to call you. She did, and spoke to you, telling you that Luna wanted to play with you. I, impulsively called you. I SO SO SO wanted to hear your voice, and when I did, you sounded so grown up! I never meant to cause you any stress or harm, and I apologize. I simply miss you and Mari so much, I feel I'll explode!

I was also totally shocked to have the police come to my house! I have NOT ever called your house since December 6, 2006, till a few weeks ago. Please forgive me, if your folks made it hard on you. One day you will understand how painful it is to me not to see or hear you girls. I am surprised the police even bothered, as I have never called before. The police said your parents would have me arrested if I ever called again! Believe me, it would be worth it for a minute of talking to you girls. But, to keep things peaceful for you, I will not call again.

Poor little Luna... all she wanted to do was see and play with you girls. She doesn't understand, and wonders and worries why your mom is mad at her. It's very hard to explain to her. Just know that all of us LOVE and MISS you. Me, Pop Pop, Tia and Luna all love and miss you very very much! I'd do anything to see you!

One of these days, you will find this blog and know how much we all miss and love you.

I love you girls more than chicken!
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Love and hugs, Mom Mom

Long, long time

2008-05-04T20:48:00.000-07:00

Hello sweeties,

I have been unable to write lately as I just get too sad. I feel SO frustrated over not being able to see you. I can't describe it well, but it's sort of like being locked in a closet. Locked in a cage would be unpleasant, to be sure, but you could see and be seen. I feel locked in a closet, where no effort to get out works. No one sees you or knows how miserable you are. I feel like my hands are tied behind my back. I want to see you and hug you SO much. It's impossible NOT to think of you when I see so many little girls that remind me of you two. I'm blowing you kisses right now!

The upcoming Mother's Day will be the third (or fourth- I sometimes get confused over how much time we've been apart)without seeing you or your mom. It's hard to believe that this rift would last this long. I have not given up praying that we will see each other soon, and I also dream of the day when we DO see each other again. I sure wish your mom would realize these are years that can not be recovered. Our family is torn apart and hurting. Maybe your mom is happy without her mom, sister and niece, but we are SO sad, still. I feel I will NEVER recover this great loss. The hole in my heart is SO huge and SO painful. Thank God for Tia and Luna!

We are in Colorado visiting Luna and Tia. In a few days we are going to the Dinosaur Museum! Luna is SO excited. I love being here with her. She just saw the Nancy Drew movie and now Tia is reading her the books- and she loves them! Today Luna and I planted her "bean seeds". I should take a picture and post it for you!

We went to the pet store the other day, to get Cualli a dog tag, and there was this white chihuahua in a car. At first it reminded me of Marshmallow, but when he started barking and growling, he no longer looked like Marshmallow!

I miss you all so very much, I can't write without crying. BIG hugs and kisses to you and your brothers. I love you more than chicken!

Love, Mom Mom
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March

2008-03-18T20:31:00.000-07:00

Hello sweeties,

Boy, do I miss you girls. Not an hour goes by that I am not thinking of you and wondering how you are, and when will I see you again. I SO wish I could see you and hug you! My heart is SO broken without you in our lives. Just know that I will always love you and I'll always be your grandmother. Sometimes I wonder if you even remember me anymore. Maybe it would be easier if you forgot me. I know I NEVER will forget you, not for an hour. I look at your pictures every day!

Last week we went to California to visit Pop Pop's sister, Sharon. She lives in Bakersfield, not too far from your other grandparents in Paso Robles! We got to spend a lot of time with Sharon's granddaughters. The oldest girl is named Savannah! Her little sister is Cheyenne. Mari got to meet them, almost two years ago, when they came to Phoenix. We took Mari to the zoo, while you were in California with your Aunt Susie. Savannah is 6, almost 7, and Cheyenne is 3, almost 4! Cheyenne would come have lunch with us in our RV! We had a nice, relaxing time, and we got to see the girls riding their horse! I told them all about YOUR riding lessons too! Aren't they cute?
Luna called us tonight, just to say goodnight! We told her about our California trip too! Our puppy, Cualli is growing fast, but still small. She is about twice the size of your Piddles, but just as active! Yesterday she killed a small garter snake in the back yard. For some reason, she runs to your playhouse each time we let her out!

Pop Pop stepped on a mesquite thorn before we left for California, and it was sore for days. However, when we got to California, the wound got infected. On the way home, we had to stop at an ER, and Pop Pop got an IV. He is taking a lot of medicine, and his foot is all swollen!

I know Micah's birthday is this month, but I don't know what date. I sure would like to see him and tell him Happy Birthday. He must be 3 now?

Ok my sweet girls. I'll say good night for now. Thinking of you ALL the time! I love you and always will!

Love you more than chicken!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Love, Mom Mom

Happy 10th Birthday, Savannah

2008-02-23T21:20:00.001-08:00

Happy Birthday Miss Savannah!

I hope you have a wonderful birthday, Savannah! Will you be having a party? I hope you do, with lots of friends and a nice piñata too! I am constantly thinking of you, and feel so sad that I can't send you a gift. When the day comes that we can see you, I will make up for all the missed birthdays, Christmasses, Valentine's, and Easters!

There is not too much to tell you, that's interesting, that is. I think of you and your sister and brothers all the time... I always will!

Our new puppy, Cualli is growing and learning, quickly! You would not believe how Pop Pop spoils her! She even likes to watch TV! Have you seen the GEICO commercials with the gecko? Cualli barks at that little gecko! She is so funny! I'm afraid she is a little like Pancho was- she does not like strangers! She is slowly learning to like Rosa and Ernie though! I'll bet she'll love you girls- she sure does love Luna!

The picture above was taken on our last day together, December 2006. I can hardly believe this has lasted so long. I get so sad thinking of you girls and your brothers growing up and I am missing all the excitement!

Here's a picture of you, Savannah, when you were small! You are ALREADY 10 years old! Remember, Mom Mom will ALWAYS love you, and I am forever, your grandmother!!

Happy, Happy Birthday sweetie!

I love you more than chicken!
Love, Mom Mom
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Fortune Cookies

2008-02-15T20:02:00.000-08:00

Hello Sweet Girls,

Today I am posting pictures of the chocolate heart cookie pops and the fortune cookies Tia and Erica made and sent Pop Pop and me for Valentine's Day! Aren't they sweet? Since being diagnosed with diabetes, I can't eat them, but Pop Pop can! (I ate one fortune cookie!). Erica drove down to see her parents, and she and I had a very nice lunch yesterday, at the Wildflower Bread Company! Yum!

Tia really wants us to move to Colorado, huh?

Now, here is a picture of Cualli! She LOVES to burrow under pillows for her many naps! She is 6 months old now!

How did you girls like the rain today? Since today is Friday, I'm guessing you got out of school early. It's not often we have overcast days here, is it? We stayed in the house, except for an afternoon walk! I enjoyed staying in, cozy and comfy. The only thing that could have brightened my day would to have seen you!

I hope you had a great Valentine's Day! You and your brothers will ALWAYS be MY Valentine- for life!

I love you more than chicken! When I tell Luna that, she tells me she loves me more thn 91 giants and 200 unicorns! Ha ha!

Big hugs! Love, Mom Mom
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Happy Valentine's Day!

2008-02-14T16:09:00.000-08:00

Picture from Flicker

http://flickr.com/photos/dainec/4925756/

Hello Sweeties,

Another Valentine's Day going by, and I can't see you or send you a Valentine. Remember how we used to bake cookies? These cookies reminded me of our fun, so thought I would post them. I sure miss you. I hope you had a nice party at school! Pop Pop got me a new digital drawing tablet, called a Bamboo... just what I wanted! Tia sent us some home made fortune cookies with cute fortunes, that SHE made up! Tonight I'll take pictures and post them so you can see! She also sent heart cookie-pops with our names on them.

We had our house painted! It's almost the same color, but it sure looks nice! I wish you could see it, and maybe someday soon you will!

Diana, the woman I tutor in reading got a Hannah Montana movie... do you girls still like her? If so, I'll bet you have seen the movie too! When I hear her name, I automatically think of you - if I wasn't ALREADY thinking of you!

Bye for now! Love you girls more than chicken. I love your brothers too, and hope they are well!

Love, Mom Mom
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Sad News

2008-02-08T21:59:00.001-08:00

Pancho went to doggie heaven today. Pop Pop and I have been in tears most of the day. The image of seeing puppy Pancho in your mom;s lap, almost 16 years ago has been in my mind all day. I came home from work, and your mom was holding puppy Pancho in her lap, while sitting on the kitchen floor. I tried to say "No", as we already had Sancho, but I could not resist. Pancho was SO cute and SO little. He used to ride in Pop Pop's housecoat pocket when he made the morning coffee.

We will miss Pancho greatly. Till his last days, he would look for you girls, waiting and looking at the front door, and trying to go into your room. He had not seen you in a long, long time, but he never forgot you.

I love you girls and I hope you are looking forward to Valentine's Day, and Savannah's birthday!
xoxoxoxoxoxox
Love, Mom Mom

Miss you

2008-02-08T21:51:00.000-08:00

Gosh I miss you girls. When I drive near your street, I take a detour, so I don't get too close. I am SO afraid I would drive to your house! I just want to see how big you've gotten and hug and kiss you/ Remember I love you forever!

A friend of mine sent me this in an email, and of course I thought of you girls!

Love you, Love you, Love you!
Love you more than chicken!
x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x
Mom Mom

Long time

2008-02-04T14:55:00.000-08:00

Glitter Graphics - GlitterLive.com

Hello sweeties,

I have not been able to post in almost two months- posting here is like rubbing salt in the wound. I miss you SO much. I think of you allt he time, and wonder how you're doing in school, if you had a good Christmas, and that Savannah's birthday is coming up. This will be yet another birthday I will miss, not to mention Christmas.

I wonder every day how long this will go on. It's been one year and two months without seeing or talking to you. It's been three years and 3 months since your mom has spoken to me. It's storming right now... a huge thunderclap just occurred... I wonder if Mari or your little brothers were scared! Our new puppy sure was! She jumped right up and looked out the window! Your mom used to be SO scared of thunderstorms when she was small, and would go to sleep on my lap every time we had an electrical storm; back East, this was common in the spring!

Santa Claus brought Luna a doll house, very much like the one I had gotten years ago for you girls- the one you loved to play with in the sunroom. She asked me if I would bring it with me next time I go visit, so she can play with both, because she misses you girls SO much too. I think I will take it, and then bring it back to the sunroom.

Someone broke out a window in the sunroom while we were in Colorado, and the sunroom got FILTHY! I need to spend about two days cleaning it out. But your toys, toy box and Winnie the Pooh furniture is still there!

My honeys, I miss you so much, I can hardly stand it I keep thinking that one day you will knock on my door, or call me! I think it may happen! I LOVE you to pieces!

ONE day I will see you again, I am sure of it. I SO hate missing these years of your childhhood. We can never recover that time. But when you are bigger and seek me out, we will make up for lost time. I promise!

Here is Luna, at the Mexican restaurant, on her birthday!

This is Cualli, in her Christmas collar- she HATED it!

And, here is Luna, with the cookies and milk she put out for Santa Claus!

That's all for now, my sweetie pies!

I love you more than chicken!
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Hugs and kisses, Mom Mom

A message from your cousin!

2007-12-07T14:31:00.000-08:00

One Sad Year

2007-12-06T21:49:00.000-08:00

Hello my sweeties,
Today marks one dark, long year since we last saw you. (Not counting the 2 minutes when we ran into you in Target). It has been a very sad year for me. Thanksgiving also marked THREE years since your mom spoke to me. I just can't comprehend how your mom can hate so much, and for so long. You only get one family, and we are your mom's family. I SO miss you all. I think of you two about 200 times a day! I think of you last thing before I go to sleep, and you are my first thought when I awake in the morning!

The only thing that gets me through is the thought that one day I WILL see you again. I must believe that. Luna talks about missing you girls a lot too, and asks often why your mom won't let you girls see or talk to Luna and Tia either. She looks at your pictures a lot! Savannah, remember our planned "Reading" vacation? Luna and Tia and I talk about that quite a bit, and how one day you girls and Tia and Luna and I will go on this vacation!

Luna turned 5 on December 2nd. Erica made her a beautiful Scooby Doo cake!Isn't that cute? Luna had a great party, with a Scooby Doo piñata too! We had pizza and cake and ice cream! Lots of people came... we all wished you could have been there. I hate missing YOUR birthday parties!

Here are some more pictures:

Erica has taught us about Hanukkah! We've been lighting the menorah and Luna can almost say most of the prayer in Hebrew! Tonight we had time to celebrate properly- we had pot roast, latkes, and cheesecake! We then played Dreidel with gold chocolate coins, called gelt. We had a very nice time. Here is a picture of Tia and me!

Here is Luna in the snow!

Well my precious girls, it's time for me to go. Oh, Coalli is doing well... she is SO cute, and lovable! When I can hardly stand it that I can't see or hug you girls, Coalli will snuggle with me, and I give her your hugs!

Remember, we are family, always will be. I LOVE you more than chicken, and always will!
x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0xoxoxox0

Love, Mom Mom

Happy Birthday, Mari!! (Late)

2007-11-29T09:07:00.000-08:00

Hello Sweeties,

I hope you had a great birthday, Mari! I wonder if you had a Wizard of Oz themed party or Scooby Doo? Or do you have a new interest? I hope you had a lot of friends and fun. Mom Mom and Pop Pop were thinking of you. I wish I could have been there, and I wish I could send a gift. I know your mom would not allow it. One day we will make it all up, and have a BIG birthday celebration to make up for all our lost years. Now you are 6... growing up so fast!!

It is fast approaching one year since I have seen you girls, except for the two minutes in Target over the summer. Hardly an hour goes by that I don't think of you! Any time I see a Hannah Montana ad, or a horse, or Scooby Doo, or Eloise, or boots, or charm bracelets, or Saddle Club, or Strega Nona, or even broccoli, it makes me cry, and I think of you again !!! ... the list is endless, since we were SO involved in your lives, likes and loves. Your room is still as it was, and your collection of Cherished Teddies has grown a bit. I pick them up once in a while when I find them!

We are in Colorado still, and will be here till after New Year's. A family down the street gave us their white chihuahua, and five days later, asked for it back!! Pop Pop and I cried, but gave it back. Two of Tia's students, Jessica and Jesus got me a new puppy! A black chihuahua mixed with Jack Russell! I named her Coalli, meaning happy, good, in Nahuatl. She is adorable, and I know you would fall in love with her too! Luna has, but dislikes Coalli's jumping! She is about 14 weeks old, and I love her to pieces! Can you see Piddles and Coalli running around together? Coalli chases Botas and Erica's cat all the time!

Here is a picture I took yesterday!

Last week there was a parade here, led by live reindeer! The train, the library, and City Hall were all lit up, and Luna got to see Santa Claus.

Did you have a good Thanksgiving? We had a nice one, even though you were on my mind most of the time. I made a huge meal, and it was, ahem, SO good! Tia had 3 students for dinner, so it was busy, but nice.

We've only had one snowfall since we've been here! It may snow again this Friday! Saturday is Luna's 5th birthday party, with a Scooby Doo theme. Jessica, Tia' s student made a Pin the Nose on Scooby game, and we're having a Scooby cake (made by Erica).

Here're some pictures of the snow!

Ok muchachas! Remember, I AM your grandmother, no matter who says otherwise! I love you all more than chicken, and the thought of seeing you again, one day, is what keeps me going!
Hugs and Kisses! x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0
Love, Mom Mom

Happy Birthday, Danniele

2007-11-07T21:21:00.000-08:00

Dear Sweeties,

Today is your mom's 32nd birthday! I always think of when she was born on this day... the 10 days in the hospital, and how she wanted to be born "bottom" first! She was gorgeous, with very dark hair, and strong lungs!

I almost called her several times, but I did not have the strength to be rejected, again. You can tell her, I never forgot her birthday in my heart. I wish for this birthday that she would reflect on all the good times, and how much I love and miss you all. We can never regain this time... this time apart is gone for good. We can't make up for it. I am hoping that she will decide it's more important to have me and her sister and niece IN her life. We all miss you SO much. Tia and I went to lunch Saturday, with Luna and Erica. A girl about 9 or 1o walked by, and for a split second I thought it was Savannah, and began to cry.

I hope you had a great Halloween! I thought of you a lot, and wondered how you dressed this year, and if Luca and Micah dressed up too!

I went out Trick or Treating with Luna, who dressed as the Wicked With of the West. She would scrunch up her face and say "I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too". She sounded great!

Here are some pictures. I can only look at the pictures I have of you, as I have none for a year.

Here is your mom and Mari, meeting Luna, Dec. 2, 2002!
(Click on the image to see it larger!)

Here is Luna in her costume!

Well, my sweet girls, I need to go. Remember, I am always your grandmother. I will always be here for you. One day we will see each other again, I am sure of it! I just am having a really hard time waiting for that day!

Happy Birthday, Danniele!

I love you all more than chicken... Micah and Luca too! Big hugs and kisses!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxooxoxoxoxoxo

Dream

2007-10-24T14:54:00.000-07:00

Judge Rea was feeling remorseful over the Cannon Centeno case. He realized now he had hurt 4 small children, 2 of whom had never known their grandparents. The older two, were less fortunate. They DID know, and love their grandparents, and they were ripped from their loving company. These grandparents took care of the two girls... took the older one to school since pre-school, and picked her up each day. They were cared for and loved by these grandparents, who kept them while mom worked. These girls had their own room and the grandparent's home... painted pink, with bunny wallpaper, and a dainty bedspread. These grandparents adored the girls, and it was mutual. These grandparents watched the girls EACH and EVERY time the parents asked. They spent the night often, often at the kids request! They cooked with the grandmother, did sewing and science projects. The grandmother read to these girls often. She quit her job when the first girl was born, to be able to take care of her. Later, in a revengeful voice, mom told the judge I only wanted to keep Savannah as I felt no one else could care for her as I did, not because I loved her. (Except for Mom, true!)

One day Mom got angry and decided to never allow the grandparents to see these children again. The grandparents were distraught and cried constantly.

Legal counsel was sought to see the girls, using Grandparents Rights. The first Judge, decided to allow twice weekly phone calls while a court counselor decided if we should see the girls. After months of prodding the counselor to do her job, the judge ruled we were to see the girls every other weekend. It was like heaven seeing them again!

Several months went by, and the mom decided to change times of visits, making it three and four weeks between visits. We had to see them only in a restaurant or park. Many times the girls were not available to talk at the court appointed times.

The grandparents sought legal counsel. The NEXT judge, Judge Rea, decided to allow the parents to decide times and dates. The mom decided NO calls and NO visits. The grandparents are heartsick. Their souls are mostly dead.

Judge Rea felt horrible when he realized he had separated grandchildren who were loved and cherished from grandparents these children also loved and cherished. He realized he did not read the entire case... about the father locking the oldest daughter in a room, with him, and several loaded guns. Police were called. So many incidents of the father's harsh and unsafe treatment of these precious girls.

Judge Rea decided to revers his decision. We were allowed to see the girls every other weekend and one weeknight a week! Happy Day.

The grandparents were elated. Judge Rae apologized profusely to the grandparents and admonished the parents for keeping the children away from their grandparents. Note, the grandparents do not smoke, drink, or do drugs. They attend church, and have never been arrested. They are decent, honest and good people.

Mom Mom had such tears of joy in her eyes, and her heart heaved a sigh of relief at seeing Savannah, Mari, Micah and Luca! She hugged and kissed them and there were millions of smiles all around. So many tears of happiness.

Mom Mom awoke from her dream, still with tears on her face. It was only a dream. A very sad dream. It was not real. She still can't see her precious grandchildren.

Judge Rea, if you should ever know what you have done to destroy an entire family, you should surely be ashamed.

Mom also elected not to see her own sister and niece any longer. She has divided the family, with Mom and her husband (They got married after 3 children, during the hearings on grandparent visitation) stay in contact with Mom's dad, and myself, my husband and my other daughter and one grandchild are elsewhere, with NO contact, not by choice.

I have tried to speak to Mom, but she won't.

I am so so sad. It is almost one year since Judge Rea's ruling, and the last time I saw my Arizona grandchildren. I feel my soul has died forever.

I love you Savannah, Mari, Micah and Luca... more than chicken!
x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0

Long time!

2007-09-16T21:54:00.000-07:00

Isn't Mari cute?

Hi sweeties,

It has been SO long! I've just been unable to come here to write. It makes me SO sad to write here, but I want you to know I think of you often, every day! My eyes are tearing up now, and it is difficult to breathe.

When we ran into you with your mom at Target a few weeks ago, it threw me into such a sadness. Of course it was delightful to get to see you for a minute or two- but it made me even sadder to be able to see you for such a short time. I'm SO glad Mari remembers me! Yours and Mari's hugs will have to sustain me till we see each other again.

Isn't Savannah cute?

I dream about you most nights! Recently I dreamed that I saw you, and Savannah- you told me to go away! I cried so hard! But last night I dreamed I ran into you and I told you to check www.savannahstafford.com and you would always be able to find me! You whispered in my ear that you knew, and that you have been reading this blog and visiting the website. (I don't have it up still!) I woke up happy that morning, and slept so much better!

I am waiting impatiently for the day when we can see each other again. When you girls get bigger, you can decide for yourselves. I am SO pained that I am missing your growing up.

We'll be going to Colorado soon, as Tia is pretty sick. She wants me to come and meet Luna's pre-school teacher. Tia said she wants me to be in Luna's life. I remember when I was in YOUR life and I SO miss that. I've never seen Mari in her uniform!

Remember that I love you both more than anything, and would do anything for you! I miss you terribly. I hope school is going well for both of you and that you are happy.

Love you more than chicken!
x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x
Love, Mom Mom

Photos

2007-08-07T15:09:00.001-07:00

We're Home!

2007-07-30T22:36:00.000-07:00

Hi Sweeties,

We finally made it home last night! I see they cut down some trees near the farmhouse and I can see your house as I went to mine! (It only made me cry).

We enjoyed our time at Tia's house. I finished painting Luna's room, and Pop Pop put up shelves and shaded! It looks great! Did I tell you it is an Under the Sea theme? We also traveled while in Colorado. We went to Colorado Springs and visited the Garden of the Gods. We also went up Pike's Peak where they have Santa's Workshop! Before the Colorado Springs trip, we also went to Santa Fe for a weekend!

I'll be working on the www.savannahstafford.com soon. My hope is one day you will find this blog or the site. That way you can always find me! Give me a week or two to get it up!

Here are some pictures of Luna!

Can you believe she markered herself? She drew "tatoos" on Tia's arms and Tia even went to work with them on her arms!

Do you remember when we all went to the sand dunes? Well, we went again... Luna, me and Pop Pop. There was quite a bit of water in Medano Creek, and Luna had so much fun. We stayed the night and Luna wore her bathing suit the next day! It began to rain in the afternoon, and we went walking around the nature trail. We were almost alone and got close to a deer that was licking the grills! I guess she liked the taste of barbeque sauce!

Luna called us tonight to see if we got home safely. She asked right away if I had seen you two girls! She wanted to know why I could not see you. So, I finally said that your mom is mad at me and won't let me see you.

But really, it's going on 3 years now! I'd really like to know if your mom is going to EVER forgive me for whatever it was that she thinks I did! I can't think of ANYTHING that warrants three years of anger! Wow. I would like to make up and try to get past this. How can she stay mad for SO long? If you ever get to read this, please tell her her it is just not worth this silence, and in the end, she is only hurting herself. I pray every day that this will be over. I want to see you and hug you SO badly. This hole in my heart still hurts.

OK, sweeties. I miss you oodles and oodles! I love you more than chicken, forever!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Love, Mom Mom

Sadness

2007-07-20T20:28:00.000-07:00

Hello Sweeties,

I found this poem online tonight, and it sums up how I've been feeling. It's been 7 months and I miss you not one drop less. The entire mess has lasted almost 3 years! I think of you all the time, and the pain has not eased.

Missing You

No words I write can ever say,
How much I miss you everyday.
As time goes by the loneliness grows,
How I miss you... nobody knows.

I think of you in silence,
I often speak your name.
But all I have are memories,
And a photo in a frame.

No one knows my sorrow,
No one sees me weep.
But the love I have for you,
Is in my heart and mine to keep.

I never stopped loving you,
I don't think I ever will.
Deep inside my heart,
You are with me still.

Heartaches in this world are many,
But mine is worse than any.
My heart still aches as I whisper low,
"I need you... and miss you so."

The things we feel so deeply,
Are often the hardest things to say.
But I just can't keep quite anymore,
So I'll tell you anyway.

There is a place in my heart,
That no one can fill.
I love you... and I always will.

Last night I dreamed about you girls and Micah, again. I dreamed I got to see you and hug you. I kept squeezing and kissing you! It was painful to wake up and find it was not true. I'm keeping this short, as I don't like to write when I am this sad. I miss you terribly and love you so much. I can't wait for the day when we can see each other. I thank God for Luna, as I am enjoying her so much. I remember how you all played together. I'm keeping my grandmother skills fresh with Luna. She is SO smart and getting SO big! She is taking gymnastics now and while we are here, I get to watch her. Then we do laps together!

Tomorrow we are going to Colorado Springs! I will write more when we get home, and post some pictures!

I love you more than chicken, and always will!
Hugs and Kisses, Mom Mom
x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0

Boots and stuff

2007-06-28T15:23:00.000-07:00

Hello sweeties,

We're still in Colorado! I hope you are having a good summer! I'll bet you've gone to the splash park several times already! It's pretty warm here in Colorado too, but a LOT cooler than where you are! it actually gets nice and cool in the evenings and night, and that makes for good sleeping weather! Luna, Tia, Mom Mom and Pop Pop talk about you girls all the time and how much we miss you. I hope you are not forgetting us! You and your brothers are a part of our family forever-don't forget that! I'll bet Micah and Luca are getting so big-and I never saw either one as a baby! I wonder who Luca looks like! I wonder how Micah took to Luca! How do you two girls feel about being the big sisters?

I wonder if you two are still doing the dishes, taking out the trash, and all the work you were doing. Will Mari go to pre-school again this year, or first grade? Savannah, you will be going to fourth grade! Wow! I hope you are still doing well with reading and math, Savannah! Help Mari learn too!

Today, Pop Pop, Luna and I went to a hardware/tack shop for some stuff Pop Pop needed to fix a water pipe. This store had your names written all over it! Remember the blue boots you wanted, Mari? The pink boots you wanted, Savannah? They had ALL kinds of boots for girls your age there, and lots of neat western wear and tee shirts! Of course I thought of you the second I saw them, and got all teary eyed, as I miss you SO much.

We are helping to fix up Tia's yard. Today we got a new hose and sprinkler, as Luna and I planted grass seed in some bare spots in the front yard. We have trimmed her tree in the fron and hung geraniums by the fron door, and some petunias on the tree branch. It is really looking cute and homey!

The other night we made shish kebabs! Pop Pop cooked them on the grill. Mmmmmmm.

Here is Luna and some of her little friends playing in the front yard!

On Sunday, Tio Piti called and asked to speak to Luna. Instead, he put your Abuelo on the phone. Luna does not know who he is and would not talk. Such a shame. Well, Abuela has not called or visited Luna in over 3 1/2 years, on her first birthday! That was the last time he has seen her. What a shame, as Tia NEVER banned Abuelo from visiting or calling Luna, like your Mom did to Tia, Pop Pop and me. Abuelo decided himself not to call or visit Luna. SO, what is happening is you girls and your brother know nothing about Tia, Pop Pop , Luna or me, and luna doe snot know anyone but Pop Pop, Tia and me! It's crazy, isn't it girls! Pay attention, and don't don't let this kind of foolishness creep into your own families when you are grown.

I'm waiting for the day when you are grown a bit more and can decide for yourselves to visit us! That will be the best day on earth!

Love you more than chicken!
x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0
Mom Mom and Pop Pop

Thinking of you everyday!

2007-06-18T22:40:00.000-07:00

Hi girls! I miss you so much. You are in my thoughts day and night! We're in Colorado again. We took Luna to see Thomas the Tanker train again, in Durango. What fun you would have had! You can't really see Luna in this picture, but we had a good time.

It is looking like I may not get to see you until you, Savannah, are old enough to tell the judge that you want to see us. Untill then, I hope you don't forget us, or Tia and Luna. Your pictures are all over Tia's house, as well as mine!

We are having a nice time here. Luna has lots of really nice friends next door and across the street, and plays outside all day long! She us taking gymnastics now and really loves it. I get to go see her twice a week while we are up here.

Don't forget to pray that your mom's heart will soften and we can all be a family again!

I love you more than chicken!
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Mom Mom and Pop Pop

2007-05-20T23:55:00.000-07:00

Hello Sweeties,

I miss you so much. Today has been a sad day for me... missing you SO much and wondering if you have forgotten me. I was so hoping to hear from your mom on Mother's Day, but I didn't. I prayed that maybe she would contact me and let me know how you girls are doing. Not one day goes by that I don't think of you, and miss you and cry for you. In fact, I dream about you most nights!

It's really looking like years will go by before we get to see you! I may have to wait till you are old enough to seek me out. Please don't forget me. We were special to each other, remember? We spent SO many nights together, telling stories, singing, and looking at the glow in the dark stars and planets I put on your room ceiling. They're still there, along with the Blues Clues bathtub stickers! We did so many wonderful things, like make books together, set up the ant farm, paint, play in the back yard, go to Luke AFB, see the salt mountain, and cook together. Remember the crab dishes? They are still in the cupboard. Luna used them when she visited. Because of my arthritis, I now use your Strawberry Shortcake and Princess spoons and forks! They have nice fat and soft handles!

Everywhere I go I see things that remind me of you girls - Strega Nona books, horses, playgrounds, Sweet Tomatoes, Juicy Juice, pink camouflage clothes, those Bratz dolls that I disliked, but you loved! Even my toothbrush, as I bought you girls one like mine!

We are still in Colorado, and planning to leave in a day or two. We've been having so much fun with Luna. We got her a 'jumpoline' with a net and we've been working in Tia's yard. Luna is adorable and still talks about you-of course Tia has many pictures of you girls around-but you must be so much bigger now! Luna is a sweetie too, and loves Scoobie Doo! She likes many things you girls like and does a lot of things you girls did! She loves to sleep and shower in our RV! She loves to play with Pancho and she adores puzzles. She is really good at tic-tac-toe and dominoes! Luna also loves to sing!

Tia went to Venezuela and saw your aunt and uncles and cousins! She did not get to see all the Centeno's, but many of them! I sent your pictures with Tia so everyone could see my sweethearts that I miss.

<--- Tia with Tia Oria and Tio Dick in Caracas.

Tia with Tio Piti Centeno

Take care my sweeties! I love you and miss you terribly!

Remember Pop Pop and I love you more than chicken!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoox

Colorado

2007-05-07T22:11:00.000-07:00

Hi sweeties,

Well, we are back in Colorado! Tomorrow morning Tia leaves on her trip to Venezuela! Pop Pop and I are taking care of Luna. Tia is not taking Luna as she is taking several of her students, to learn about the government. She will, however be seeing your numerous aunts, uncles and cousins while there!

I printed out many photos of you girls and Luna, and a few of Micah that I had. I want everyone there to see how much you have grown and how beautiful you both are! Tia is trying to talk me into going with her in late summer. I would love to go, but we'll see.

We're having a good time with Luna. Can you believe she can read now? Just short sentences for now, but it's a start! And, guess what books she likes Tia to read to her? Just guess! Remember when I read Judy Moody books to you, Savannah? Well, Tia started getting them from the library to read to Luna and she loves them! Mari, Luna also loves Strega Nona, one of your favorites that I used to read to you!

Luna is having her first ballet recital next week, while we are here! It reminds me when you, Savannah took ballet! You were SO cute in your little leotard. You were a bit younger than Luna when you started.

Tomorrow Pop Pop is putting together Luna's swing set... JUST like the one we got for YOU girls! Luna really likes to be outdoors, and she has a fenced in backyard-I know she will be playing on that swing set a lot!

Keep praying, girls, that we will see each other before too long. I'm still waiting for your mom to call me. I'm hoping she will call me on Mother's Day to tell me we can all be a family again!

Remember we love you all more than chicken!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Love, Mom Mom and Pop Pop

Oh, you can see some of the scrapbook pages I have made, of you girls and Luna!
http://www.3scrapateers.com/gallerypp/showgallery.php/cat/500/ppuser/12666

Bye for now!

Phone Call

2007-04-29T11:27:00.000-07:00

Hello sweeties, A few weeks ago I decided to call your mom. I've been nervously getting the courage to do so. I finally decided the other day to call Sunday morning. Today. I awoke with butterflies in my tummy! But I called! Your mom answered, and I could hear Luca crying! I told her who I was and that I missed her and you girls so much! I asked if I could speak to you, but she said no. I did ask her if we could get together and talk about things, and make a new start. She said she would think about it, and sounded a little less hostile! Maybe she will consider it, and maybe we can see you again before too long. I sure would like to see and know your little brothers!

Today I am posting one of my favorite pictures of you , Savannah, and Tia. You two had so much fun that day, in the sun room! Remember how you used to go spend the night on weekends at Tia's house, and then go out for breakfast? Tia LOVED that, and so did you, Savannah!

Someone sent me this in an email yesterday: Maybe . . . Happiness waits for all those who cry, all those who hurt, all those who have searched, and all those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of all the people who have touched their lives.

I miss you so much, I really do ache to see you and hug you! I tell you this, not to make you sad, but to reassure you that I love you and always will. You two girls are my happiness!

Here's another picture, from happier times, of your mom, Tia and Mari. We had a great time that day, all of us, laughing and goofing off. Do you remember how we all stuck bottle nipples on our faces and heads? I do and I will remember it always!

I'm praying that your mom considers talking to me again, and gives us a chance to see you again!

We love you more than chicken!
x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0
Love, Mom Mom and Pop Pop

Cherished Teddies

2007-04-25T16:55:00.000-07:00

Image from Flicker http://flickr.com/photos/digitalpretzel/156120635/

Hello girls,

I don't want you to forget all the Cherished Teddies I still have in your room! From time to time, I have added to your collection, and I wanted you to know! Your room is still the same, and the shelf of Teddies is still there! Recently I found some Wizard of Oz Cherished Teddies to add to your collection! I don't have the one above though!

I also decided to post this scrap page I made of your mother when she was a little girl! If you ever get to see this blog, I thought you might like to see this!

Easter Trip

2007-04-24T17:44:00.000-07:00

Hello my girls! it has been week ssince I have posted. Again, you were always on my mind. Pop Pop and I went to Virginia Beach for Easter, and we took Luna with us. She asked for you often, and looked at your pictures often, as did I.

One of the highlights of the trip, apart from seeing family again, was taking Luna to the Wizard of Oz Museum. I'm still hoping to take you one day too! Luna was a great traveler, and we went in our RV. We folded down the table, laying the bench cushions on top, and made Luna a little nest. There, at night, she would watch DVD movies on Pop Pop's laptop!

Here are some pictures of Luna on our trip! Hasn't she grown since you've seen her last? She adores Pancho!
Luna got to meet Aunt Barbara, and our Virginia cousins! We had a lovely time. Luna loved playing with Teresa's little girl, Elizabeth. But, the highlight of Luna's trip was meeting her 10 year old cousin, Brandon! She fell in love with him, and chased him all over the house!

We dyed Easter eggs, and I remembered how many times you and I did that. I sure hope you had a great Easter with your mom and dad and brothers. Did you look for Easter eggs? Mary Ann hid eggs for Luna to find, and she had so much fun! Luna and I went to church with Barbara and we had a HUGE meal! Mary Ann cooked most of the meal, and even made an Easter centerpiece with a bunny and colored eggs. It was very nice for me to see everyone again! I think it's been more than 11 years since I went back!

Luna got to play with Toto, the little dog that lives at the museum, but goes home with his owner at night!

Well, girls, I will post again soon. I never stop praying that things will work out for your mom and me, and that she will let us see you, and HUG you again soon! I miss you like crazy, and think of you a gazillion times a day (and night!).

Remember, Pop Pop and I love you more than chicken!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Sadness

2007-03-24T19:13:00.000-07:00

Hello my sweeties,

It's been a while. I've been SO sad. I want so much to hug you and see you. Remember NONE of this is your fault. If you ever get to see this, please pray often that we can see each other soon. This is really hard on me and Pop Pop. I hope you are keeping busy and are happy. I pray every day that you are well and are happy, along with your little brothers. I sure miss your mom too, and hope she is doing well. I long for the days when we can be a family again. Every time I go by your street, I hope for a glimpse of you.

When we go to Target or the grocery store, I look for your mom's van, hoping to get a glimpse of you.

We are getting ready to go to Virginia, to visit family, and we're taking Luna. What a great trip it would be if you girls could go too! We're going in our RV and I like to imagine how much fun you girls and Luna would have in our RV! I'm sure one day we can be together again! I just love you so much, my heart actually hurts from not seeing you!

I'm still working on a wonderful scrapbook, so you girls can see how I thought of you every day!

We love you more than chicken!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Love and hugs, Mom Mom and Pop Pop

Virginia Beach

2007-03-13T09:45:00.000-07:00

Hello Sweeties! It's been a while, as I have been busy and sad over missing you. I think of you all the time!

Remember how we could not find angels for your brothers for my van dashboard? Well... I found angel snowmen! Yup! I bought one for October and one for March! They ride next to your angels!

We're getting ready to go pick up your cousin and head to Virginia Beach to see relatives we have not seen in a long time. We SO wish we could take you. We're taking a gazillion pictures of you girls to show your cousins how gorgeous you are!

We have been very busy. We got a new sofa recently-a sectional kind, that wraps around the corner. It is So comfy and all of you will fit on it! I'm trying to decide what color to pain the living room. Your room is staying the same-not to worry!

I'm tutoring a woman from church in reading. I'm sharing your favorite books with her and always tell her "I read this book to my granddaughters". She seems pleased with that!

Computer repairs and interpreting also fill my time. Pop Pop spends a lot of time in his shop and looking after Pancho. Pancho has Cushing's disease and needs quite a bit of medication each day.

Pancho still sits everyday, looking at the front door. We think he is waiting for you girls to come on in!

We love you more than chicken!
x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0

Savannah is almost 9

2007-02-21T21:13:00.000-08:00

Hello sweeties,

I haven't written much lately as I am so down. I miss you so much I can hardly stand it. I want to hug you so much! We won't be able to share your birthday again this year. Thanks to Judge Rea, we won't even be able to see you at all.

I certainly hope you have a great day and have a wonderful party. At 9, I'll bet you tall enough to break open your piñata yourself! Please have lot's of fun with your friends and brothers and sister!

Here's a picture of your mom and Savannah on your third birthday!

We love you so much and miss you so much. I would trade all I own for a day with you girls! Don't forget to pray that things will be right soon - we do many times a day!

We love you more than chicken!
x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x
Mom Mom + Pop Pop

After Valentine's Day

2007-02-16T13:55:00.000-08:00

Hi girls,

I hope you and your brothers are doing well. I am also hoping you received lots of Valentines. My Valentine to you will have to wait for a day when we can see you. Did you have a nice party at school? Don't think we didn't think of you! Every time we went into Target or a store that sold valentines, we felt a shot of sadness through our hearts at not being able to get you a cuddly animal or some chocolates!

I think of you everyday and pray everyday that your mom's heart will soften, and she will know how important you are to us, and also that we are important to you! Don;t forget to pray! Every time I hear "Shout to the Lord" at church, I remember us singing it together in the car!

You are in my thoughts the last thing at night, and the first thing in the morning. I am working on the site savannahstafford.com
which is not up yet. I'm hoping you will be able to find us and read about how much we miss you and constantly think of you! You are forever our granddaughters and we are your grandparents!

We love you more than chicken! Mom Mom and Pop Pop
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

2007-02-07T21:27:00.000-08:00

Hello sweeties,

I've been making a lot of scrapbook pictures of you and Luna to see one day! I have really gotten addicted to digital scrapbooking - wait till you see them!

Here is a picture of you two wearing the shirts you picked out at Target. You rushed to put them on in the van!

I'm wearing the charm bracelet you picked out for me that day, too! Remember the coffee cup charm Mari picked out, and the heart charm Savannah picked out?

Valentine's Day is coming up. I'm hoping you both have a great party at school! Mari, I sure would like to see you in pre-school! I used to take and pick up Savannah every day, and she was so excited showing me her paintings and crafts. I so enjoyed watching her play on the school playground after school.

Here are some photos of Savannah at Pre-school. Isn't she cute?

Danniele Centeno

I love you more than chicken! xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Night Time

2007-02-03T22:16:00.000-08:00

At night, when the TV is off, and Pop Pop has gone to bed, I think of you girls even more. I miss you so much it hurts. I'm hoping one day your mom will realize that she is hurting all of us... Tia, Luna, you girls and your little brothers.

Tia spoke to your aunts and uncles in Venezuela, who said they had heard nothing from your Abuelo, and that he kept telling them Tia and Luna were fine! Abuelo is living in Philadelphia now and has not spoken to Tia in over 3 years! I have a feeling Abuelo will hear from them soon.

Tia is going to Venezuela in the spring, and she will tell them all the details of what has happened to our family. Such a shame.

Again, I love you so so so much. I pray for the day to come when I can see you again!

Love, Mom Mom

Luna Baloona

2007-02-03T15:17:00.000-08:00

Hi girls,

I wanted to post pictures of Luna too! She misses you and wishes she could see you. She started ballet lessons, and is learning chess! She LOVES the computer and her favorite TV show is Wow Wow Wubsy, and her favorite movie is Charlotte's Web!

We went to the Children's Museum in Pueblo with Luna. She had a great time! We wished you could have been there with us. Just know that you are always in our thoughts, and we miss seeing you and watching you grow. I hope your two little brothers, Micah and Luca are doing well too. Gosh, we've never even seen Luca, and only seen Micah a few times.

Luna and I made brownies, and Luna wore her chef's hat and apron. (A Christmas gift from Erica)

Hello girls

2007-02-03T14:50:00.000-08:00

Wow, I have not posted in weeks! But not a day went by that I didn't think of you, or cry at night over missing you terribly.

Luna is getting SO big, and still talks about her cousins, Savannah and Mari. She and Tia also miss you very much!

We have been on the road for 6 weeks! For the first three, we used our van, and Roy, from church enclosed Pop Pop's trailer.

Then, we got a used RV and took Pancho with us. You both would have had fun with us! We spent Christmas with Tia, and while there we learned that Grandpa, my dad, died. We came home long enough to repack, and drove to Michigan for a beautiful Life Celebration service. You would have loved to have been there. It was just beautiful, and Tia and Luna went for a few days too. We ended up staying about a week.

There was lots of snow! We spent slow, mellow days with Jeanette, and enjoying her company, eating well, and reminiscing about Grandpa.

We took our time driving home, and stopped at Tia's house again. On the way to Tia's we visited the Wizard of Oz museum. Mari, I felt vicariously excited for you, and enjoyed every minute. We also saw lots of wildlife along the way, horses, donkeys, deer, rabbits, and even some strange ducks!

We sure miss you girls, and we bought you some Wizard of Oz souvenirs at the museum. Lord only knows when I can give them to you, but I am confident that one day they will be yours. The same day we get to hug and kiss you again, and see your shining smiles and beautiful faces.

I'll post again soon! I love you both more than chicken. We miss you SO SO SO much.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO Mom Mom and Pop Pop

2006-12-21T21:24:00.000-08:00

It's been several days since I wrote... certainly not because you're not in my thoughts always... just that we made the trip to Colorado. We hit a lot of snow and ice, and stopped for the night in Albuquerque. The trailer had a flat tire and Pop Pop had to change it on the snow, at night, just one week after his back surgery! We finally got to Tia's house safe and sound! Luna asks for you often. She still has your picture book and looks at your pictures often. She misses you too.

Can you beleive Pancho likes the snow? It comes past his chest, and he does not want to go out in the cold sometimes, but when he does, he plays in the snow! He and Botas are getting along fine.

Tomorrow we are going to Pueblo to do some shopping, and hope we don't meet with MORE snow! I'll bet you and Mari are getting excited about Christmas. Remember how last year we drove around and looked at lights with Tia? Remember how we opened the van door on one street and you girls and Luna shouted "Merry Christmas"? We sure laughed and had such fun that evening! I'll never forget it.

I was so sad not to have been able to see you last week-end or to be able to call you. I sure miss you and I will always love you. I am always your grandmother.

I love you both more than chicken!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

13 days

2006-12-15T18:35:00.000-08:00

Its been 13 days since we have had any contact. Seems like a year. The Christmas presents we ordered you before we knew Judge Rea would not enforce our previous visitation order, have arrived. Each visit from FedEx or UPS makes me sadder.

We'll try to get someone to bring your presents, but I don't know if your parents will allow you to keep them.

If not, one day we will see you and hug and kiss your sweet faces again, and I'll tell you and show you your things.

We wish we could write a letter to Judge Rea, Superior Court, Maricopa County, Arizona, telling him of th epain he has caused us, and you and Mari too. If he knew how much you loved US and wanted to visit us. It is so cruel that he is keeping us apart. If we were mean , or alcoholics, or drug addicts, or theives, but we are not. We are good, honest, churchgoing people. I'm sure Judge Rea would not want HIS grandchildren taken away.

Here's a picture of our last day together.

Remember we LOVE you more than chicken!
Kisses, Mom Mom and Pop Pop.

Savannah and Mari Gumbari

2006-12-15T18:26:00.000-08:00

Hi girls! Here's a picture I made for you a few weeks ago. I have missed calling you and it sure feels strange not to call you on Tuesdays and Thursdays. When the phone rings, I am hoping it is one of you calling from a friend's house, like you did in the past. Every girl I see when we're in the store, I think might be you. Today, each aisle I turned int he grocery store, I hoped I would run into you.

I hope school is going well for you both, and would love to see you both in your uniforms.

Remember, I'm still your grandmother, and Pop Pop is still your grandpa, and we always will be.

We love you Savannah and Mari... and always will!

We miss you more than chicken!!!
x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x

Missing you so badly

2006-12-12T22:24:00.000-08:00

Hello girls,

Mom Mom and Pop Pop are missing your sweet voices so much. We would have been looking forward to seeing you Saturday if Judge Rea had not decided to deny us any visitation at all. I can't do anything about it now, but I think Judge Rea must be having a hard time sleeping at night. Then again, he must be completely heartless to take away the previous order that allowed us to see you twice a month for 3 1/2 hours. How we all looked forward to those visits - your sweet hugs and kissses.

We are very sad, and hope you are not too sad. Every time I see a 5 year old, or an 8 year old, I look twice to see if it might be you.

Pop Pop is recuperating well from his spinal surgery. We will be going to Colorado to visit your cousin Luna for Christmas. How I wish we could all go. I'm hoping your folks will allow you to accept the Christmas gifts we had ordered before we knew we would not be seeing you. We sure want you to have them.

Mom Mom and Pop Pop are praying that your mom will soften and realize the pain she is causing to you and us. Never forget how much we love you. We pray for your well being each day.

I lov eyou more than chicken! XOXOXOXOXOX Mom Mom & Pop Pop

Dec. 8, 2006

2006-12-08T16:25:00.000-08:00

Hello My Sweeties,

It's been 6 days since we've seen you, but it feels like 6 years. Hardly a minute goes by that I don't think of you and miss you. There really is such a thing as a heartache. I've felt it many times.

Pop Pop had surgery on his back yesterday, and it lasted 5 hours! We were remembering how interested you both were in the stitches and wound when he had his knees operated on - How the nurse let Savannah help remove the dressing! He would sure have felt better with some drawings and a visit from you here.

Pop Pop will come home tomorrow, and Pancho will be very happy! He misses Pop Pop so much, and lies on his "blankie" by the door watching and waiting for him to come home. He does that a lot when Pop Pop is home too, and we can only think he is wishing you two were coming through the door.

I wear the bracelet that Mari got me, with the heart charm Savannah picked out, and the green coffee cup Mari picked out.

Pop Pop and I are both praying every day that your parents change their minds and decide to let us see you. We miss you terribly.

Here's a funny picture for you - Pop Pop's lunch today, in the hospital! He loved his lunch of crabcakes, Philly Cheesesteak, and cheesecake!

Love you more than chicken! Mom Mom and Pop Pop

No more visits with my granddaughters

2006-12-06T23:11:00.000-08:00

Last week we went back to family court to attempt enforcement of a previous grandchildren visitation order. Instead of enforcing the prior order, Judge Rea, Superior Family Court, Phoenix, AZ, ruled that spending time with grandma was a disturbance to my granddaughter's daily activities! He ruled that my daughter had the right to determine whether or not I could see the girls. My daughter made it clear she would not allow me to visit with the girls, so I won't be able to see them for the next 9 years. The oldest girl, Savannah, will be 18 then and I know she will seek me out.

I don't know about you, but I consider grandparents a valuable asset to a child's life. I adored MY grandmother, who became my role model for being a great grandma.

My daughter decided two years ago to punish me for an argument we had, by not allowing me to see my granddaughters. My granddaughters lived with me on and off, and it was I who quit my job to care for Savannah when she was born. I adored her... I loved her before she was born... from the minute my daughter told me she was expecting.

My daughter came home to live then, back in 1997, because her boyfriend did not want the baby. She was distraught, but I told her she had a home with us and we would help her.

Help her we did. She eventually got back with the boyfriend and went on to have a second daughter, Mari. I loved caring for them during the day. I loved them so much. As they grew, we baked and cooked together, took walks and trips to the park, read lots of books, painted. We even set up an ant farm together. We had wonderful times.

Savannah asked me many times over the uears would I promise to always be near her. I promised, and always meant it.

Now that I am unable to call or visit, it is likely they will move far away, with no contact. No one knows what the internet will be like in 9 years, but I'm hoping I can express my feelings here, and maybe one day she will find her Mom Mom online!

I am SO broken hearted. Worse is the fact that my daughter and her husband (yes, they married a year ago... more on that in a later post) called two times when they received their copy of the judge's ruling. We had not gotten our copy till Wednesday. My daughter and her husband got theirs on Monday or Tuesday. We received two calls from them gloating over how they had won, and we lost everything.

My grandchildren's parents think they won, and we lost. While they did win, the biggest losers were my sweet grandchildren, who love us and want to see us.

My daughter broke my heart, with what felt like a sledgehammer. She did not have to hurt the kids too. She does not realize what she has done to the entire family, as she will not allow her children to see or speak to her own sister or niece! My daughter is taking delight in having ripped out my heart.

Since I received Judge Rea's ruling today, my life will never be the same. I have already suffered major depression the past two years, and this is a major setback. Blue Wednesday, Dec. 6, 2006. I miss my sweethearts already and am in total mourning.

I'm not a prolific writer, but will attempt to write often. From here on out, my posts will be addressed to Savannah and Mari, my beloved granddaughters, for whom I would give my life.
I used to laugh at grandparents like me, till I too became a doting grandparent.

I love them more than chicken.