Happy Birthday, Savannah!

Happy 11th Birthday, Savannah
Miss Sweet Pea!

Happy Birthday to you! Eleven years old, already! Here is a picture of the Nemo cake you and I made for your 6th birthday! Do you remember going all over to find a Nemo figurine for the cake? You were SO proud of this cake! You are in your pajamas too, from having spent the night with us.

I thought I was doing OK today, but I always get lumpy-throated and teary-eyed on holidays and your birthdays. I miss you so much. Nothing in this this life has been as hard as being down the street from you and not seeing your sweet faces, and feeling your sweet, tender hugs around my neck. God I miss you. I'd gladly give up all I own to see you and visit you.

Still, I have faith that one day we will see you again. We will have SO much catching up to do! You can meet the new puppies, Cualli and Sophie, and I can hear all about your friends and school, and your little brothers. Do you know that *I* rode a Harley motorcycle for a few minutes on Sunday? Yes! I was scared, but I did it! I'll tell you about it one day. I thought since I am getting older, I ought to try a few things!

I hope you had a wonderful party! I love you more than chicken, my sweet pea!
Love, Mom Mom
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An Open Letter to My Daughter

Savannah and Mari

For some reason, things have often been rocky between us. It would seem that now I have reached the age of 56 and you are now 33, things could be resolved. If not resolved, at least smoothed over so we can all contact each other, and the kids can know their maternal grandmother, and aunt and cousin!

You may think I deserve to be punished by not allowing me to see Savannah and Mari, and the two newcomers, Micah and Lucah. I disagree. We both made mistakes, and using the kids as pawns does no one any good. In the end it hurts the girls the most, and I know you don't really want that. Aren't you a little concerned that the girls may hold these lost years agaisnt you? I don't want that either. There is too much hurt and anger in this world to harbor and incubate any more.

You never really had a close relationship with a grandmother like I did. My Mom Mom was a saint to me, but I'll bet if you could have asked Nanny... she and her mother probably also had their moments. I always wanted to be a grandmother like my Mom Mom and I felt like I was pretty close! While I am as heavy as she was, I have never been able to put on a dress, hose and pearls to stay at home.

However, I do LOVE Savannah and Mari like my Mom Mom loved me. I adore them, and they adored me. We read, played, chatted, cooked and visited parks and other places. Savannah would spend the night with Lisa, and breakfast out together. I just can't understand how making your girls lose out on all that helps the situation.

I'm not trying to argue. In fact, I think I can keep quieter than most now. I have learned through the pain. I wish I could offer some reasons as to why I made you so mad. I honestly don't know... Undiagnosed depression, fear of airing our differences, stress, a constantly ill husband, and menopause must have turned me into a nefarious, wicked witch, and I didn;t know it. I don't know. Nothing I did pleased you.

No point in dredging up all that agony and heartbreak. Holding a grudge for this long is not good for YOU!


Let's be adults, no let's be Buddhas! Let's be positive, decent, humble, gentle and loving. It's Christmas! Let go... remember, bitterness is like acid -- it eats at the vessel that contains it.


It is very easy to forgive others their mistakes; it takes more grit and gumption to forgive them for having witnessed your own. ~ Jessamyn West

Forgiveness is a sign that the person who has wronged you means more to you than the wrong they have delt. - Ben Greenhalgh

Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hatred is the weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves. - 5 people you meet in heaven


I don't know what I can do to change your mind. All these wasted years are gone forever. Let's not waste more. I'm not getting any younger.


Just know I love you, Savannah, Mari, Micah and Lucah. I BEG you to let go of this grudge and let's get this behind us. If you decide to hate me till my death, at least let me see the kids. Please. It's all I want for Christmas.


Love, Mom

Estrangement Quotation

I saved this quote a long time ago, and do not know the author. If anyone knows who wrote it, please let me know. It is very long, and I will post parts of it here, from time to time. They are not my words, but they are my feelings.

"When we allow ourselves to celebrate breaking our children's bonds with their grandparent, we have taken the low road. We have been small minded, ungenerous, unloving, a bad parent, and a small human being. Only serious forms of child abuse by the grandparent can warrant influencing our children to cut off their relationship with their grandparent."



Savannah Mari Stafford

Hello Sweeties,

How are my girls today? It is sunny and I am feeling better today! Last evening Luna and the neighborhood kids had so much fun playing after dinner, I thought I would share some pictures! It was fun for me, sitting ont he step and watching them... the last few days before school starts!

Here, Luna and her friends took turns pulling each other in a sheet!




Here, Luna and her friends played "Follow the Leader". Guess who was leader?


I just felt a strong urge to "talk" to you girls! I miss you so so much! I never stop thinking of you!

Oh, remember the angel bears I have- one for each of you and Luna, and 2 snow bears for Micah and Luca? Well, the boxes warped and turned brown from the sun. Pop Pop made a wooden bar and I have them and the snow bears for your brothers now, on my van dash. I will try to take a picture and post it soon! The angel and snow bears go everywhere I go... not that I need be reminded of you!

I love you lots, and think of you always! Sending BIG hugs to you!

Love you more than chicken!
Love, Mom Mom
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