My Muse was Published!

Hello My Very Much Missed Sweeties,

I recently wrote this little article, that was recently published! It's about how proud I am to be YOUR grandmother, your brother's grandmother, and Luna's grandmother!

I am not a beautiful woman... just ordinary, but like most women, I was attentive of my appearance. Not overly so, though. A clean face, blemish cream, a touch each of blush, mascara and powder were all the cosmetics I used. When people guessed my age to be younger than was so, I secretly smiled inside and enjoyed the moment.

At 45, I became a proud and doting grandmother. I took Savannah with me everywhere while my daughter worked. (I worked the night shift at the hospital then.) Often, while in the grocery store or at the park, people would imply that I was Savannah’s mother. “Are you going to carry this bag for your mommy?” a clerk would ask Savannah. I always kindly corrected the clerk, the librarian or other folks that I was Savannah’s grandmother and took a modicum of pleasure in their incorrect assumptions.

As the years passed and two more precious granddaughters arrived, assumptions that I was Savannah, Mari or Luna’s mother greatly decreased. No one ever asked or intimated that I was Luna’s grandmother though. Because Luna is of Korean, Caucasian and Latina heritage and I am very pale, people would ask if she were adopted or tell me it was a wonderful thing I had done, rescuing her from China! It made no matter to me; I loved being a grandmother to these precious girls.

Storm clouds approached and my youngest daughter estranged herself from me. As an added punishment, she banned me from having any contact with Savannah and Mari. I cried for months. Nothing worked to reconcile her to me. I missed my daughter and those granddaughters that I had practically raised. We adored each other - those sweethearts and I loved each other so much and were together constantly. We had made a “girl’s room” in our home for them, with pink walls and a baby rabbit wallpaper border. A pink and white quilt on a queen sized bed, shelves of children’s books and drawers of coloring books and toys filled the room. Blue’s Clues shower stickers were on the shower wall and little girl’s bath products and toothbrushes abounded in my bathroom. This made me SO happy.

I sat in a deep depression for a year. I cried rivers. After more than three years, I have slowly come to (mostly) accept that I won’t see Savannah, Mari or their two little brothers for a long, long time. I still have a broken heart and dream of them most nights. I still have time with Luna and my other daughter, and for that I am VERY grateful.

Back to my appearance... I have aged immensely in the past four years. The cry lines under my eyes are permanent, so they seem, especially since I tend to “refresh” them from time to time. No amount of sleep or face creams have helped. I acknowledge the folds and furrows under my eyes now as part of who I am. I don't fret over my appearance any longer, though I still use make-up and do my hair!

Last week, at the playground with Luna, my five-year-old granddaughter, a boy of about 12 asked me, “Are you her grandmother or something?” Immediately, I felt proud and replied with a smile, “Yes, I am her grandmother.”

I thought for a moment, I am SO glad that my first response to that question was pride and not remorse for appearing to be a grandmother! The more I thought about it, the better I felt! I am SO proud to be a grandmother. I LOOK like a grandmother and that is OK! In fact, it is wonderful and liberating!

All stages of life have their benefits and I am grateful to be where I am. I pray and pray that one day my daughter’s heart will soften and I can be a grandmother to Savannah and Mari and their two little brothers whom I don’t know. In the meantime, I scrap the girl’s precious photos and hope. I also beam at the title “grandmother.”

~ A PROUD Grandmother!

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I sure hope you girls are having a nice summer! I wonder if your school will go to a 4 day school week this fall. Did you go to the splash parks? I wondered if you went to see fireworks on the fourth as well.

We're getting ready to go to Colorado for a while. Luna asked that we be there for her first day of Kindergarten, and we are going. We might have gone up sooner, to escape this heat, but I need to have a second MRI. We'll go soon after, and come back if I need treatment. The heat sure does bother me more and more with each passing year! I look forward to the cooler weather, and cool breezes at Tia's house!

Luna and Tia got a new dog! They still have Botas, but they got a rescue dog- a blondish-white lab mix named Scarlet! She is really a digger and recently dug her way out of Tia's yard! Yikes! We've been caring for Thunderboy all this month and we know Cualli will miss him. We're sort of thinking of getting a smaller chihuahua for company for her.

Here's a picture of Cualli and her beloved squirrel toy! (It's a Beanie Baby dog toy!)


Love you girls more than chicken! Remember, I think of you a gazillion times a day, and love you more than chicken!

Love, Mom Mom
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My Bathroom

Hello my Sweeties, Savannah and Mari,

Since I am feeling somewhat better these days, I thought I'd write more often! I was able to post the last note to you without crying, so I'm giving it another shot!

Remember the Blue's Clues stickers in my shower? Well, they are still there, and I thought I would show you! You are both too big now to really care about Blue's Clues anymore, but they were a part of your past at my house!




Your yellow colander of toys is still here too! It was a joy to have Luna play with them a few weeks ago. She LOVED playing with them, but she said she did not remember playing with you girls in the tub. She does have lots of pictures though of those days though! I sure hope that you can meet up with her again one day and be happy cousins again. She REALLY misses you girls! It goes without saying that PopPop, Tia, and I REALLY miss you too!



Now for NEW stuff! I am redoing my bathroom in CRABS! I still have your stickers and some of your art work, along with that picture of your mom and Tia in the Mexican frame on the walls.

I decided to make my bathroom whimsical, and the crabs DO make me smile! Here is a washcloth! I found all the things on sale at our favorite store- Target!

The hand towels- TA da!


A crabby frame of my three precious granddaughters! (The photo does not show up well, but it is very clear in real life!


And finally a funny looking crab tissue cover! This really brightens the room and makes me smile!



I haven't done a WHOLE lot of smiling the past few years, so I can really use this! I started cleaning out your shoes in the closet of your room, but did not last too long. There are about 12 pair of outgrown shoes that are SO cute and sweet. I packed up as many as I could in a box to keep, but I could not stop crying, so I quit. I also plan on packing up your Cherished Teddies and Painted Ponies collections for safe keeping - to keep dust off, as I can't go in your room easily. I did sleep in there with Luna while she was here... I looked at the glow-in-the-dark stars that you girls just loved, and got tears in my ears! Don't worry Mari, Luna did not touch the teddies or horses. It was so sweet to cuddle Luna in there, and memories of cuddling you girls, and reading stories and playing in that room flooded back. I miss you so so so much. Thinking of you is all I have and even wonderful memories feels like a stab in the heart. Still, I think of you ALL the time. I am CONFIDENT that one day I will see you again- when you are older. I love you so so much. Even though I know I am the grandmother, it still feels like I lost my own children. We were so so close. We are close, as I know you still love me and Pop Pop.

I love you more than chicken, and will always be your grandmother!
Love, Mom Mom
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Stuff

Hi Sweeties,

It is SO hot! I sure hope you are having a great summer vacation. I'm wondering if you'll go visit your other grandparents - I know you have a great time there, and maybe it is cooler there!

When we took Luna home, we took her to the Dinosaur Museum. We had a great day there. Guess what she is reaching for in that box? It is old, old, old dinosaur poop! Yuk! But it was so old, it just looked like an old rock!





The next day Luna and I made pancakes, and I made her this dinosaur shaped pancake. At least, it is supposed to look like a pancake!



I still miss you as much as I did before... just writing to you makes me SO sad. Everywhere I go, I remember when WE went there. But, last week, coming home from baase, while passing the "Salt Mountains" you both loved to see and I felt such a strong presence of you two girls. I could almost touch it... it was as if you were with me, and it made me feel so happy! I figure you were thinking of me too, and I know one day we will see you again. I KNOW it, and I plan for it!

Can you believe I may have jury duty again? I need to call tomorrow night to verify that I need to go! Amazing. I hope this time it does not last 4 months! Yikes!

While at Luna's house, I also took her to a cafe for ice cream one afternoon. Remember this outfit? It was yours, Savannah. It was too large for Luna, but she wanted to wear it. She misses you and Mari a lot too, and asks when we can see you all the time. She will be starting kindergarten this fall!

Well, I had better go for now. I'm waiting for the day when we are reunited! I'm praying for your mom's heart to soften.

I love you more than chicken!
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Love, Mom Mom

Danniele Centeno

No police were needed!

Hello Sweeties,

I am SO sorry about calling your house! I lost my head! Luna was at my house and SO wanted to play with you. I told her it would be impossible, but she asked if Danniele was mad at HER. I told her no, and she said she would draw your mom a picture to make her let you and Mari be able to play with her. I asked Marge to call you. She did, and spoke to you, telling you that Luna wanted to play with you. I, impulsively called you. I SO SO SO wanted to hear your voice, and when I did, you sounded so grown up! I never meant to cause you any stress or harm, and I apologize. I simply miss you and Mari so much, I feel I'll explode!

I was also totally shocked to have the police come to my house! I have NOT ever called your house since December 6, 2006, till a few weeks ago. Please forgive me, if your folks made it hard on you. One day you will understand how painful it is to me not to see or hear you girls. I am surprised the police even bothered, as I have never called before. The police said your parents would have me arrested if I ever called again! Believe me, it would be worth it for a minute of talking to you girls. But, to keep things peaceful for you, I will not call again.

Poor little Luna... all she wanted to do was see and play with you girls. She doesn't understand, and wonders and worries why your mom is mad at her. It's very hard to explain to her. Just know that all of us LOVE and MISS you. Me, Pop Pop, Tia and Luna all love and miss you very very much! I'd do anything to see you!

One of these days, you will find this blog and know how much we all miss and love you.

I love you girls more than chicken!
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Love and hugs, Mom Mom

Long, long time

Hello sweeties,

I have been unable to write lately as I just get too sad. I feel SO frustrated over not being able to see you. I can't describe it well, but it's sort of like being locked in a closet. Locked in a cage would be unpleasant, to be sure, but you could see and be seen. I feel locked in a closet, where no effort to get out works. No one sees you or knows how miserable you are. I feel like my hands are tied behind my back. I want to see you and hug you SO much. It's impossible NOT to think of you when I see so many little girls that remind me of you two. I'm blowing you kisses right now!

The upcoming Mother's Day will be the third (or fourth- I sometimes get confused over how much time we've been apart)without seeing you or your mom. It's hard to believe that this rift would last this long. I have not given up praying that we will see each other soon, and I also dream of the day when we DO see each other again. I sure wish your mom would realize these are years that can not be recovered. Our family is torn apart and hurting. Maybe your mom is happy without her mom, sister and niece, but we are SO sad, still. I feel I will NEVER recover this great loss. The hole in my heart is SO huge and SO painful. Thank God for Tia and Luna!

We are in Colorado visiting Luna and Tia. In a few days we are going to the Dinosaur Museum! Luna is SO excited. I love being here with her. She just saw the Nancy Drew movie and now Tia is reading her the books- and she loves them! Today Luna and I planted her "bean seeds". I should take a picture and post it for you!


We went to the pet store the other day, to get Cualli a dog tag, and there was this white chihuahua in a car. At first it reminded me of Marshmallow, but when he started barking and growling, he no longer looked like Marshmallow!



I miss you all so very much, I can't write without crying. BIG hugs and kisses to you and your brothers. I love you more than chicken!

Love, Mom Mom
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March

Hello sweeties,

Boy, do I miss you girls. Not an hour goes by that I am not thinking of you and wondering how you are, and when will I see you again. I SO wish I could see you and hug you! My heart is SO broken without you in our lives. Just know that I will always love you and I'll always be your grandmother. Sometimes I wonder if you even remember me anymore. Maybe it would be easier if you forgot me. I know I NEVER will forget you, not for an hour. I look at your pictures every day!

Last week we went to California to visit Pop Pop's sister, Sharon. She lives in Bakersfield, not too far from your other grandparents in Paso Robles! We got to spend a lot of time with Sharon's granddaughters. The oldest girl is named Savannah! Her little sister is Cheyenne. Mari got to meet them, almost two years ago, when they came to Phoenix. We took Mari to the zoo, while you were in California with your Aunt Susie. Savannah is 6, almost 7, and Cheyenne is 3, almost 4! Cheyenne would come have lunch with us in our RV! We had a nice, relaxing time, and we got to see the girls riding their horse! I told them all about YOUR riding lessons too! Aren't they cute?
Luna called us tonight, just to say goodnight! We told her about our California trip too! Our puppy, Cualli is growing fast, but still small. She is about twice the size of your Piddles, but just as active! Yesterday she killed a small garter snake in the back yard. For some reason, she runs to your playhouse each time we let her out!

Pop Pop stepped on a mesquite thorn before we left for California, and it was sore for days. However, when we got to California, the wound got infected. On the way home, we had to stop at an ER, and Pop Pop got an IV. He is taking a lot of medicine, and his foot is all swollen!

I know Micah's birthday is this month, but I don't know what date. I sure would like to see him and tell him Happy Birthday. He must be 3 now?

Ok my sweet girls. I'll say good night for now. Thinking of you ALL the time! I love you and always will!

Love you more than chicken!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Love, Mom Mom

Happy 10th Birthday, Savannah

Happy Birthday Miss Savannah!

I hope you have a wonderful birthday, Savannah! Will you be having a party? I hope you do, with lots of friends and a nice piñata too! I am constantly thinking of you, and feel so sad that I can't send you a gift. When the day comes that we can see you, I will make up for all the missed birthdays, Christmasses, Valentine's, and Easters!

There is not too much to tell you, that's interesting, that is. I think of you and your sister and brothers all the time... I always will!

Our new puppy, Cualli is growing and learning, quickly! You would not believe how Pop Pop spoils her! She even likes to watch TV! Have you seen the GEICO commercials with the gecko? Cualli barks at that little gecko! She is so funny! I'm afraid she is a little like Pancho was- she does not like strangers! She is slowly learning to like Rosa and Ernie though! I'll bet she'll love you girls- she sure does love Luna!

The picture above was taken on our last day together, December 2006. I can hardly believe this has lasted so long. I get so sad thinking of you girls and your brothers growing up and I am missing all the excitement!

Here's a picture of you, Savannah, when you were small! You are ALREADY 10 years old! Remember, Mom Mom will ALWAYS love you, and I am forever, your grandmother!!



Happy, Happy Birthday sweetie!

I love you more than chicken!
Love, Mom Mom
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Fortune Cookies

Hello Sweet Girls,

Today I am posting pictures of the chocolate heart cookie pops and the fortune cookies Tia and Erica made and sent Pop Pop and me for Valentine's Day! Aren't they sweet? Since being diagnosed with diabetes, I can't eat them, but Pop Pop can! (I ate one fortune cookie!). Erica drove down to see her parents, and she and I had a very nice lunch yesterday, at the Wildflower Bread Company! Yum!

Tia really wants us to move to Colorado, huh?

Now, here is a picture of Cualli! She LOVES to burrow under pillows for her many naps! She is 6 months old now!

How did you girls like the rain today? Since today is Friday, I'm guessing you got out of school early. It's not often we have overcast days here, is it? We stayed in the house, except for an afternoon walk! I enjoyed staying in, cozy and comfy. The only thing that could have brightened my day would to have seen you!

I hope you had a great Valentine's Day! You and your brothers will ALWAYS be MY Valentine- for life!

I love you more than chicken! When I tell Luna that, she tells me she loves me more thn 91 giants and 200 unicorns! Ha ha!

Big hugs! Love, Mom Mom
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Happy Valentine's Day!

Picture from Flicker

http://flickr.com/photos/dainec/4925756/

Hello Sweeties,

Another Valentine's Day going by, and I can't see you or send you a Valentine. Remember how we used to bake cookies? These cookies reminded me of our fun, so thought I would post them. I sure miss you. I hope you had a nice party at school! Pop Pop got me a new digital drawing tablet, called a Bamboo... just what I wanted! Tia sent us some home made fortune cookies with cute fortunes, that SHE made up! Tonight I'll take pictures and post them so you can see! She also sent heart cookie-pops with our names on them.

We had our house painted! It's almost the same color, but it sure looks nice! I wish you could see it, and maybe someday soon you will!

Diana, the woman I tutor in reading got a Hannah Montana movie... do you girls still like her? If so, I'll bet you have seen the movie too! When I hear her name, I automatically think of you - if I wasn't ALREADY thinking of you!

Bye for now! Love you girls more than chicken. I love your brothers too, and hope they are well!

Love, Mom Mom
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Sad News

Pancho went to doggie heaven today. Pop Pop and I have been in tears most of the day. The image of seeing puppy Pancho in your mom;s lap, almost 16 years ago has been in my mind all day. I came home from work, and your mom was holding puppy Pancho in her lap, while sitting on the kitchen floor. I tried to say "No", as we already had Sancho, but I could not resist. Pancho was SO cute and SO little. He used to ride in Pop Pop's housecoat pocket when he made the morning coffee.

We will miss Pancho greatly. Till his last days, he would look for you girls, waiting and looking at the front door, and trying to go into your room. He had not seen you in a long, long time, but he never forgot you.

I love you girls and I hope you are looking forward to Valentine's Day, and Savannah's birthday!
xoxoxoxoxoxox
Love, Mom Mom

Miss you

Gosh I miss you girls. When I drive near your street, I take a detour, so I don't get too close. I am SO afraid I would drive to your house! I just want to see how big you've gotten and hug and kiss you/ Remember I love you forever!

A friend of mine sent me this in an email, and of course I thought of you girls!

Love you, Love you, Love you!
Love you more than chicken!
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Mom Mom

Long time

Glitter Graphics - GlitterLive.com



Hello sweeties,

I have not been able to post in almost two months- posting here is like rubbing salt in the wound. I miss you SO much. I think of you allt he time, and wonder how you're doing in school, if you had a good Christmas, and that Savannah's birthday is coming up. This will be yet another birthday I will miss, not to mention Christmas.

I wonder every day how long this will go on. It's been one year and two months without seeing or talking to you. It's been three years and 3 months since your mom has spoken to me. It's storming right now... a huge thunderclap just occurred... I wonder if Mari or your little brothers were scared! Our new puppy sure was! She jumped right up and looked out the window! Your mom used to be SO scared of thunderstorms when she was small, and would go to sleep on my lap every time we had an electrical storm; back East, this was common in the spring!

Santa Claus brought Luna a doll house, very much like the one I had gotten years ago for you girls- the one you loved to play with in the sunroom. She asked me if I would bring it with me next time I go visit, so she can play with both, because she misses you girls SO much too. I think I will take it, and then bring it back to the sunroom.

Someone broke out a window in the sunroom while we were in Colorado, and the sunroom got FILTHY! I need to spend about two days cleaning it out. But your toys, toy box and Winnie the Pooh furniture is still there!

My honeys, I miss you so much, I can hardly stand it I keep thinking that one day you will knock on my door, or call me! I think it may happen! I LOVE you to pieces!

ONE day I will see you again, I am sure of it. I SO hate missing these years of your childhhood. We can never recover that time. But when you are bigger and seek me out, we will make up for lost time. I promise!

Here is Luna, at the Mexican restaurant, on her birthday!

This is Cualli, in her Christmas collar- she HATED it!



And, here is Luna, with the cookies and milk she put out for Santa Claus!

That's all for now, my sweetie pies!


I love you more than chicken!
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Hugs and kisses, Mom Mom

A message from your cousin!

One Sad Year

Hello my sweeties,
Today marks one dark, long year since we last saw you. (Not counting the 2 minutes when we ran into you in Target). It has been a very sad year for me. Thanksgiving also marked THREE years since your mom spoke to me. I just can't comprehend how your mom can hate so much, and for so long. You only get one family, and we are your mom's family. I SO miss you all. I think of you two about 200 times a day! I think of you last thing before I go to sleep, and you are my first thought when I awake in the morning!

The only thing that gets me through is the thought that one day I WILL see you again. I must believe that. Luna talks about missing you girls a lot too, and asks often why your mom won't let you girls see or talk to Luna and Tia either. She looks at your pictures a lot! Savannah, remember our planned "Reading" vacation? Luna and Tia and I talk about that quite a bit, and how one day you girls and Tia and Luna and I will go on this vacation!

Luna turned 5 on December 2nd. Erica made her a beautiful Scooby Doo cake!Isn't that cute? Luna had a great party, with a Scooby Doo piñata too! We had pizza and cake and ice cream! Lots of people came... we all wished you could have been there. I hate missing YOUR birthday parties!

Here are some more pictures:


Erica has taught us about Hanukkah! We've been lighting the menorah and Luna can almost say most of the prayer in Hebrew! Tonight we had time to celebrate properly- we had pot roast, latkes, and cheesecake! We then played Dreidel with gold chocolate coins, called gelt. We had a very nice time. Here is a picture of Tia and me!


Here is Luna in the snow!


Well my precious girls, it's time for me to go. Oh, Coalli is doing well... she is SO cute, and lovable! When I can hardly stand it that I can't see or hug you girls, Coalli will snuggle with me, and I give her your hugs!

Remember, we are family, always will be. I LOVE you more than chicken, and always will!
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Love, Mom Mom

Happy Birthday, Mari!! (Late)

Hello Sweeties,

I hope you had a great birthday, Mari! I wonder if you had a Wizard of Oz themed party or Scooby Doo? Or do you have a new interest? I hope you had a lot of friends and fun. Mom Mom and Pop Pop were thinking of you. I wish I could have been there, and I wish I could send a gift. I know your mom would not allow it. One day we will make it all up, and have a BIG birthday celebration to make up for all our lost years. Now you are 6... growing up so fast!!

It is fast approaching one year since I have seen you girls, except for the two minutes in Target over the summer. Hardly an hour goes by that I don't think of you! Any time I see a Hannah Montana ad, or a horse, or Scooby Doo, or Eloise, or boots, or charm bracelets, or Saddle Club, or Strega Nona, or even broccoli, it makes me cry, and I think of you again !!! ... the list is endless, since we were SO involved in your lives, likes and loves. Your room is still as it was, and your collection of Cherished Teddies has grown a bit. I pick them up once in a while when I find them!

We are in Colorado still, and will be here till after New Year's. A family down the street gave us their white chihuahua, and five days later, asked for it back!! Pop Pop and I cried, but gave it back. Two of Tia's students, Jessica and Jesus got me a new puppy! A black chihuahua mixed with Jack Russell! I named her Coalli, meaning happy, good, in Nahuatl. She is adorable, and I know you would fall in love with her too! Luna has, but dislikes Coalli's jumping! She is about 14 weeks old, and I love her to pieces! Can you see Piddles and Coalli running around together? Coalli chases Botas and Erica's cat all the time!

Here is a picture I took yesterday!

Last week there was a parade here, led by live reindeer! The train, the library, and City Hall were all lit up, and Luna got to see Santa Claus.



Did you have a good Thanksgiving? We had a nice one, even though you were on my mind most of the time. I made a huge meal, and it was, ahem, SO good! Tia had 3 students for dinner, so it was busy, but nice.

We've only had one snowfall since we've been here! It may snow again this Friday! Saturday is Luna's 5th birthday party, with a Scooby Doo theme. Jessica, Tia' s student made a Pin the Nose on Scooby game, and we're having a Scooby cake (made by Erica).

Here're some pictures of the snow!






Ok muchachas! Remember, I AM your grandmother, no matter who says otherwise! I love you all more than chicken, and the thought of seeing you again, one day, is what keeps me going!
Hugs and Kisses! x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0
Love, Mom Mom

Happy Birthday, Danniele

Dear Sweeties,

Today is your mom's 32nd birthday! I always think of when she was born on this day... the 10 days in the hospital, and how she wanted to be born "bottom" first! She was gorgeous, with very dark hair, and strong lungs!

I almost called her several times, but I did not have the strength to be rejected, again. You can tell her, I never forgot her birthday in my heart. I wish for this birthday that she would reflect on all the good times, and how much I love and miss you all. We can never regain this time... this time apart is gone for good. We can't make up for it. I am hoping that she will decide it's more important to have me and her sister and niece IN her life. We all miss you SO much. Tia and I went to lunch Saturday, with Luna and Erica. A girl about 9 or 1o walked by, and for a split second I thought it was Savannah, and began to cry.

I hope you had a great Halloween! I thought of you a lot, and wondered how you dressed this year, and if Luca and Micah dressed up too!

I went out Trick or Treating with Luna, who dressed as the Wicked With of the West. She would scrunch up her face and say "I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too". She sounded great!

Here are some pictures. I can only look at the pictures I have of you, as I have none for a year.

Here is your mom and Mari, meeting Luna, Dec. 2, 2002!
(Click on the image to see it larger!)

Here is Luna in her costume!

Well, my sweet girls, I need to go. Remember, I am always your grandmother. I will always be here for you. One day we will see each other again, I am sure of it! I just am having a really hard time waiting for that day!

Happy Birthday, Danniele!

I love you all more than chicken... Micah and Luca too! Big hugs and kisses!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxooxoxoxoxoxo

Dream

Judge Rea was feeling remorseful over the Cannon Centeno case. He realized now he had hurt 4 small children, 2 of whom had never known their grandparents. The older two, were less fortunate. They DID know, and love their grandparents, and they were ripped from their loving company. These grandparents took care of the two girls... took the older one to school since pre-school, and picked her up each day. They were cared for and loved by these grandparents, who kept them while mom worked. These girls had their own room and the grandparent's home... painted pink, with bunny wallpaper, and a dainty bedspread. These grandparents adored the girls, and it was mutual. These grandparents watched the girls EACH and EVERY time the parents asked. They spent the night often, often at the kids request! They cooked with the grandmother, did sewing and science projects. The grandmother read to these girls often. She quit her job when the first girl was born, to be able to take care of her. Later, in a revengeful voice, mom told the judge I only wanted to keep Savannah as I felt no one else could care for her as I did, not because I loved her. (Except for Mom, true!)



One day Mom got angry and decided to never allow the grandparents to see these children again. The grandparents were distraught and cried constantly.

Legal counsel was sought to see the girls, using Grandparents Rights. The first Judge, decided to allow twice weekly phone calls while a court counselor decided if we should see the girls. After months of prodding the counselor to do her job, the judge ruled we were to see the girls every other weekend. It was like heaven seeing them again!

Several months went by, and the mom decided to change times of visits, making it three and four weeks between visits. We had to see them only in a restaurant or park. Many times the girls were not available to talk at the court appointed times.

The grandparents sought legal counsel. The NEXT judge, Judge Rea, decided to allow the parents to decide times and dates. The mom decided NO calls and NO visits. The grandparents are heartsick. Their souls are mostly dead.



Judge Rea felt horrible when he realized he had separated grandchildren who were loved and cherished from grandparents these children also loved and cherished. He realized he did not read the entire case... about the father locking the oldest daughter in a room, with him, and several loaded guns. Police were called. So many incidents of the father's harsh and unsafe treatment of these precious girls.

Judge Rea decided to revers his decision. We were allowed to see the girls every other weekend and one weeknight a week! Happy Day.

The grandparents were elated. Judge Rae apologized profusely to the grandparents and admonished the parents for keeping the children away from their grandparents. Note, the grandparents do not smoke, drink, or do drugs. They attend church, and have never been arrested. They are decent, honest and good people.

Mom Mom had such tears of joy in her eyes, and her heart heaved a sigh of relief at seeing Savannah, Mari, Micah and Luca! She hugged and kissed them and there were millions of smiles all around. So many tears of happiness.

Mom Mom awoke from her dream, still with tears on her face. It was only a dream. A very sad dream. It was not real. She still can't see her precious grandchildren.

Judge Rea, if you should ever know what you have done to destroy an entire family, you should surely be ashamed.

Mom also elected not to see her own sister and niece any longer. She has divided the family, with Mom and her husband (They got married after 3 children, during the hearings on grandparent visitation) stay in contact with Mom's dad, and myself, my husband and my other daughter and one grandchild are elsewhere, with NO contact, not by choice.

I have tried to speak to Mom, but she won't.

I am so so sad. It is almost one year since Judge Rea's ruling, and the last time I saw my Arizona grandchildren. I feel my soul has died forever.

I love you Savannah, Mari, Micah and Luca... more than chicken!
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Long time!

Isn't Mari cute?

Hi sweeties,



It has been SO long! I've just been unable to come here to write. It makes me SO sad to write here, but I want you to know I think of you often, every day! My eyes are tearing up now, and it is difficult to breathe.

When we ran into you with your mom at Target a few weeks ago, it threw me into such a sadness. Of course it was delightful to get to see you for a minute or two- but it made me even sadder to be able to see you for such a short time. I'm SO glad Mari remembers me! Yours and Mari's hugs will have to sustain me till we see each other again.

Isn't Savannah cute?

I dream about you most nights! Recently I dreamed that I saw you, and Savannah- you told me to go away! I cried so hard! But last night I dreamed I ran into you and I told you to check www.savannahstafford.com and you would always be able to find me! You whispered in my ear that you knew, and that you have been reading this blog and visiting the website. (I don't have it up still!) I woke up happy that morning, and slept so much better!

I am waiting impatiently for the day when we can see each other again. When you girls get bigger, you can decide for yourselves. I am SO pained that I am missing your growing up.

We'll be going to Colorado soon, as Tia is pretty sick. She wants me to come and meet Luna's pre-school teacher. Tia said she wants me to be in Luna's life. I remember when I was in YOUR life and I SO miss that. I've never seen Mari in her uniform!

Remember that I love you both more than anything, and would do anything for you! I miss you terribly. I hope school is going well for both of you and that you are happy.

Love you more than chicken!
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Love, Mom Mom

Photos

We're Home!

Hi Sweeties,

We finally made it home last night! I see they cut down some trees near the farmhouse and I can see your house as I went to mine! (It only made me cry).

We enjoyed our time at Tia's house. I finished painting Luna's room, and Pop Pop put up shelves and shaded! It looks great! Did I tell you it is an Under the Sea theme? We also traveled while in Colorado. We went to Colorado Springs and visited the Garden of the Gods. We also went up Pike's Peak where they have Santa's Workshop! Before the Colorado Springs trip, we also went to Santa Fe for a weekend!

I'll be working on the www.savannahstafford.com soon. My hope is one day you will find this blog or the site. That way you can always find me! Give me a week or two to get it up!

Here are some pictures of Luna!

Can you believe she markered herself? She drew "tatoos" on Tia's arms and Tia even went to work with them on her arms!



Do you remember when we all went to the sand dunes? Well, we went again... Luna, me and Pop Pop. There was quite a bit of water in Medano Creek, and Luna had so much fun. We stayed the night and Luna wore her bathing suit the next day! It began to rain in the afternoon, and we went walking around the nature trail. We were almost alone and got close to a deer that was licking the grills! I guess she liked the taste of barbeque sauce!



Luna called us tonight to see if we got home safely. She asked right away if I had seen you two girls! She wanted to know why I could not see you. So, I finally said that your mom is mad at me and won't let me see you.

But really, it's going on 3 years now! I'd really like to know if your mom is going to EVER forgive me for whatever it was that she thinks I did! I can't think of ANYTHING that warrants three years of anger! Wow. I would like to make up and try to get past this. How can she stay mad for SO long? If you ever get to read this, please tell her her it is just not worth this silence, and in the end, she is only hurting herself. I pray every day that this will be over. I want to see you and hug you SO badly. This hole in my heart still hurts.


OK, sweeties. I miss you oodles and oodles! I love you more than chicken, forever!
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Love, Mom Mom