Monday, December 29, 2008

Merry (After) Christmas

Merry Christmas, girls! I thought of you all day! I wondered what you got for Christmas and how much fun you were having! We an an excellent calm and peaceful day. Lisa, Luna, Pop Pop and I opened presents, and ate our traditional cinnamon rolls and orange rolls. The I put the turkey in and we played with all our new gifts! Pop Pop gave me a digital frame, so we can see yours and Luna's picture on display all the time! Tia gave me some gorgeous pants and Luna gave me a pink robe, that she painted "Mom Mom" on. Pop Pop and Tia also gave me gift cards! Luna painted a tool box for Pop Pop that says "Poppy's Tools". It's adorable.

Before we came back up here, I went shopping in Phoenix. The Fire Fighters were out front asking for new clothes for poor children. I was missing you so so so much, I went shopping for you! I bought clothes that I thought you would like and gave them to the firefighters for other little girls. Girls I also don't see!

Luna and I made peanut butter cookies and pumpkin pies. We had a peaceful dinner and then watched a video of Luna's Christmas program. I missed it because I was SO sick with bronchitis and asthma. It was a lovely day, but I thought of you sweet girls so much and missed you SO SO much.

Enjoy your Christmas vacation! Happy New Year! I love you more than chicken, and chocolate!
Love, Mom Mom

Saturday, December 20, 2008

An Open Letter to My Daughter

Savannah and Mari

For some reason, things have often been rocky between us. It would seem that now I have reached the age of 56 and you are now 33, things could be resolved. If not resolved, at least smoothed over so we can all contact each other, and the kids can know their maternal grandmother, and aunt and cousin!

You may think I deserve to be punished by not allowing me to see Savannah and Mari, and the two newcomers, Micah and Lucah. I disagree. We both made mistakes, and using the kids as pawns does no one any good. In the end it hurts the girls the most, and I know you don't really want that. Aren't you a little concerned that the girls may hold these lost years agaisnt you? I don't want that either. There is too much hurt and anger in this world to harbor and incubate any more.

You never really had a close relationship with a grandmother like I did. My Mom Mom was a saint to me, but I'll bet if you could have asked Nanny... she and her mother probably also had their moments. I always wanted to be a grandmother like my Mom Mom and I felt like I was pretty close! While I am as heavy as she was, I have never been able to put on a dress, hose and pearls to stay at home.

However, I do LOVE Savannah and Mari like my Mom Mom loved me. I adore them, and they adored me. We read, played, chatted, cooked and visited parks and other places. Savannah would spend the night with Lisa, and breakfast out together. I just can't understand how making your girls lose out on all that helps the situation.

I'm not trying to argue. In fact, I think I can keep quieter than most now. I have learned through the pain. I wish I could offer some reasons as to why I made you so mad. I honestly don't know... Undiagnosed depression, fear of airing our differences, stress, a constantly ill husband, and menopause must have turned me into a nefarious, wicked witch, and I didn;t know it. I don't know. Nothing I did pleased you.

No point in dredging up all that agony and heartbreak. Holding a grudge for this long is not good for YOU!

Let's be adults, no let's be Buddhas! Let's be positive, decent, humble, gentle and loving. It's Christmas! Let go... remember, bitterness is like acid -- it eats at the vessel that contains it.

It is very easy to forgive others their mistakes; it takes more grit and gumption to forgive them for having witnessed your own. ~ Jessamyn West

Forgiveness is a sign that the person who has wronged you means more to you than the wrong they have delt. - Ben Greenhalgh

Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hatred is the weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves. - 5 people you meet in heaven

I don't know what I can do to change your mind. All these wasted years are gone forever. Let's not waste more. I'm not getting any younger.

Just know I love you, Savannah, Mari, Micah and Lucah. I BEG you to let go of this grudge and let's get this behind us. If you decide to hate me till my death, at least let me see the kids. Please. It's all I want for Christmas.

Love, Mom

Monday, November 24, 2008

Happy Birthday, Mari! Now you are 7!!

Happy Birthday Sweetie! I hope you have a wonderful day! I'm thinking you had your party yesterday or Saturday and wondered where it was and how it was! I don't even have a clue what you would want for a theme anymore! Could it have been Hannah Montana? Scooby Doo again? Snoopy? I ache to see you and your sweet face again. This makes the fourth birthday party of yours I have not been able to atend. I still say one day I will be present at your birthday! If not, when you read this blog, know that you are always in my heart and I love you more than you will ever know.

I can't bear to write much more, as the pain of missing you and your sister and mom makes me cry, and I can't see to type! I'm posting a picture of us when you were less than one year old!

I love you to peices and miss you terribly! Till the future when we can meet again, I am your grandmother for always!

Love and Kisses and Hugs, Mom Mom

I love you more than chicken!


Friday, October 17, 2008

Estrangement Quotation

I saved this quote a long time ago, and do not know the author. If anyone knows who wrote it, please let me know. It is very long, and I will post parts of it here, from time to time. They are not my words, but they are my feelings.

"When we allow ourselves to celebrate breaking our children's bonds with their grandparent, we have taken the low road. We have been small minded, ungenerous, unloving, a bad parent, and a small human being. Only serious forms of child abuse by the grandparent can warrant influencing our children to cut off their relationship with their grandparent."

Savannah Mari Stafford

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

No words

Hello sweeties,

The picture above is Luna, playing a Greek statue in a Homecoming skit, on my 56th birthday too! (She looks as if she were in agony, no?)

As the two year anniversary approaches, the pain of not seeing you, or knowing your brothers has not lessened. I am not a writer, and am unable to express the pain I feel over not seeing you grow up, and how much I long to hug you! I recently read the following, excerpted, from a scrap booking newsletter I receive daily.

"You would think that the pain would have eased by now. But, it hasn’t. I can be going along with my day, doing normal things, when all of a sudden, out of the blue, that cold, hard-fisted, steel ball still hits me in the pit of my stomach as I think of... Savannah and Mari. (My words)."

Fortunately, after I reel from the realization and pain, I immediately remind myself that we will, indeed, see (them) again"

You can read the entire post, lovingly written by
Alberta Pugh, here on the Scrapgirl's site :

I miss you oh so much! You girls are the first thing I think of in the morning, and the last thing I think of at night, and about a gazillion times in between. When I pick up your sweet cousin, Luna at school, I see a girl that looks a lot like you, Savannah, and I get that kick in the stomach feeling.

We are at Tia's house, and I love being here. this town has grown on me, and I know the better parts of town,. I am even taking some college classes! I pick up Luna after school, and make her breakfast and lunch in the morning! Even though it is hard to get up that early, I love going into the kitchen and making a nice meal for Luna. I get to spend about half an hour with her and Tia. Then, we all get to eat dinner together in the evening. It is SO wonderful for us.

Luna is finishing up soccer and will soon start swimming lessons! (At an indoor pool). This morning we had the first snow of this winter! Luna was very excited and could hardly wait to throw a snow ball at tia on the way to school!

I hope this school year is going well, and I sure would love to see you girls in your uniforms! (I never have!). Learn your schoolwork well, and you will do great! I miss you so much and will love you forever and ever!

I love you more than chicken!
Love, Mom Mom

Friday, October 03, 2008

Monday, September 15, 2008

Soccer, Birthday and stuff

Hi Sweeties,

Oh, I miss you SO SO much. There is a girl at Luna's school that looks so much like you, Savannah, it took my breath away when I saw her. Each time I see her, I feel like someone punched me in the stomach. I never stop missing you girls.

Last week was Pop Pop's birthday! Luna drew him a beautiful card, and we went out to eat at Chili's. I made a chocolate cake with peanut butter frosting. Mmmmmm. Luna decorated the cake all by herself, with candles and marshmallows! Cualli helped, as you can see!

The next day, Luna had her first soccer game. Tia and I were talking about your first game, Savannah, and how during one of your first games, you stopped and picked a dandelion for Tia! You were far more interested in bringing that flower to Tia than where the ball was! Well, Luna was too at first, but then she got into the game, and did very well! I am amazed that she could play at all since all the kid's uniforms were too big!

Isn't she cute in this HUGE uniform? I'm wondering if either of you girls are playing soccer now? It was such a pleasure going to Luna's game, in a nice green grassy field. We took Cualli too!

After that, Luna had a birthday party to go to! Wow, she is such a socialite!

Remember girls, I love you so much, and I look forward to seeing you one day. I think of you constantly and wonder how you are doing in school.

Your abuelo has called Tia so maybe one day there will be forgiveness all around.

I love you more than chicken!
Love, Mom Mom

Thursday, August 28, 2008

New School Year

Hello My Sweet Girls,

Luna started kindergarten on Tuesday! She was pretty excited, and was happy to see some of her pre-school friends at the same school!

(Yes, this IS Mom Mom and Pop Pop... getting older!)

She is riding the bus and loving it, so far! I sure hope you are having a good school year! I wonder who is walking you to and from school these days? It is sure hot now, but you won't have to trudge through snow like Luna will!

I am in the middle of painting Tia's and Luna's office. So back to work before the paint in my pan dries! I was remembering how I painted your rooms too! Blue with Winnie the Pooh borders for Savannah and lime green for Mari and Kirstan. I'll bet one of those rooms is now your brother's room, no?

I'll post some pictures when the office is all done!

Love you more than chicken!
Your forever grandmother, Mom Mom!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008


Hello Sweet Girls,

I have finally learned how not to cry - usually. I never new it was physically painful to hold back tears- my eyes really hurt! I am often successful, but today the tears fell again. I got sad again, because I read this post, on a site I just love. This woman is addressing her grandmother, who has gone to heaven. She describes so well the pain I feel over not seeing your girls, and how I would love to know your brothers. Here is a copy of this wonderfully written letter- it says what I want to say!

"It’s four o’clock in the morning. Did you know? You know that’s not like me at all, but I had another dream about you. I miss you so much. Without the tiniest bit of cliché, I miss you so much it hurts. I can feel that spot in my heart, where you belong, collapsing. It’s not just a hole; it’s a void - a black hole - sucking everything else into it, creating more and more emptiness. I hate to admit it because it makes me sound like a spoiled, selfish child, but I want to look up to heaven and shake my fists at God and ask why He had to take you from me. I love you; I love you so much. But you know that, don’t you... didn’t you? I guess talking about you in past tense makes the fact that you are gone even more real.

I was there when you left. Did you know? It wasn’t scary or anything like I thought that it might be like. I wish that the people who made movies could experience (or maybe just talk to someone who has experienced) being with someone in their last moments. It’s not like it is in the movies. I know that it is different with every person, but you were finally at peace. You had been in so much pain. I am so glad you are not in pain anymore; but I miss you still.

I think I know now why people make deals with the devil. I am going to see you again, but I am so impatient. The thought of seeing you sooner is so tempting. Why is it that head-knowledge is so hard for my heart to understand?

You were worried about the kids remembering who you were. You should have had a little more faith in your “smart boy.” Jamison saw a picture of you, pointed his little finger at it and said “MeMa.” He loves you, too. I brought him to visit you before you left and you know what he said? He said, “MeMa’s sleepin’” and then he sang “Jesus Loves Me” and touched your hand.

There are so many things I want to tell you, but (wait, Margot cut two teeth last week) you’re busy. I also know that to be absent from the body is to be in the presence of Christ and I know there is no other place you would rather be than at the feet of our Lord. But, I still miss you, MeMa.... "

- Kelly Favor-Chronister

Dear Savannah and Mari, I love you forever! Sometimes I think is is best if you believe all that your parents have told you about me and Pop Pop, as it would make YOUR pain less. By now, you may not miss me at all, but I know you were terribly upset ABOUT the separation. You both cried when I told you this might happen. You sobbed when you told me Abuelo told you that Tia and I were no longer your family. Part of what hurt me more than anything, was knowing how hurt you two girls were when you thought you would not see us any more.

I only hope and pray that you are no longer sad. Just remember I am forever your grandmother and I will love you to pieces to my dying day!

I'll post later about Luna's first day of school!

Love you more than chicken!
Big hugs, Mom Mom

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Hello Sweeties,

How are my girls today? It is sunny and I am feeling better today! Last evening Luna and the neighborhood kids had so much fun playing after dinner, I thought I would share some pictures! It was fun for me, sitting ont he step and watching them... the last few days before school starts!

Here, Luna and her friends took turns pulling each other in a sheet!

Here, Luna and her friends played "Follow the Leader". Guess who was leader?

I just felt a strong urge to "talk" to you girls! I miss you so so much! I never stop thinking of you!

Oh, remember the angel bears I have- one for each of you and Luna, and 2 snow bears for Micah and Luca? Well, the boxes warped and turned brown from the sun. Pop Pop made a wooden bar and I have them and the snow bears for your brothers now, on my van dash. I will try to take a picture and post it soon! The angel and snow bears go everywhere I go... not that I need be reminded of you!

I love you lots, and think of you always! Sending BIG hugs to you!

Love you more than chicken!
Love, Mom Mom

Monday, August 18, 2008

Hello My Sweet girls,

I'm thinking of you starting this new school year and how exciting it is! I wish I could see you dressed for school, and buy you some clothes and school supplies like in the past - but remember I am always thinking of you, being in school, playing, and at home.

We are at Tia's house and Luna starts school next week! Tia's friend is friends with Luna's teacher and principal, and took Luna to see her room and meet her teacher today. Someone told Luna that she might get in trouble at school, and be sent to the principal's office! Now Luna is less worried and seems to be looking forward to school! Last night I ordered Luna a stainless steel drink bottle and Thermos, since now we know how bad plastics are.

Tia ordered her a cute pair of black shoes and I found her a pair of pink shoes, styled almost like ballerina shoes! She has new dresses and pants and shirts and today Tia bought her supplies- crayons, glue, Kleenex, and such!

We need to come back home soon for a week or so, as I need to see a neurosurgeon. While there we will search for boots and a new play jacket for Luna! Luna is also doing VERY well with her reading! She will be starting soccer too! I was telling her about how you, Savannah, used to play soccer too! Remember how we came to all your games?

Have you seen ads for the new move coming out this September? It's called The Hollywood Chihuahuas. Pop Pop and I are taking Luna to see it when we get back here.

These are some tee shirts we had bought for you and your brothers, and were going to mail them anonymously, but after your folks called the police on me for calling you, I decided not to do so. I just wanted you to see them when you can! I have decided to give them to Tia's friend's little boy, Jack. (He is a real cutie). The horse tee I gave to Luna. Savannah's tee is so big, it may fit Mari by the time we get to see her, so I am saving it.

Have you seen the news about the little 3 year old girl who is missing? Her name is Caylee Anthony. I surely know what HER grandmother is going through... as it hurts terribly that I can't see you! I don't even know if you are ever sick, break a leg, or need to have an operation. Sometimes, when flipping through my photos, and I find one of you, I gasp and it feels like a knife in my chest. I still am waiting for the day that I know will come... the day we see you again!

I love you more than chicken, and always will!
LOVE, Mom Mom, your forever grandmother!

Saturday, August 02, 2008

Relatives and Stuff

Hello Sweeties,

I've been thinking a lot about family the past few years, and how no one's family is perfect. Family members have squabbles often. A brother does not repay another brother. A grandfather uses improper English. An aunt criticizes everyone's clothes. We all have these type of people in our families. We may *BE* one of these people. Does this really make them a BAD family member?

I am so sad that your mom won't let us see each other. You know Abuelo also has not spoken to Tia and Luna in over 5 years! She never banned him from visiting or calling her- he could have called Luna, sent cards, gifts, etc., he just didn't! She would have allowed that. Your mom and dad however, will not let me send you cards or gifts, along with not calling or seeing you. It is nothing but sad that our family is divided .... over what? Really.

My great Aunt Alice used to tell me constantly to clean my glasses, cut my bangs, and stand up straight. She would pinch me if I did not pay strict attention to the priest in church. I never held it against her and loved her to pieces. My uncle used to tell me I was ugly, and it hurt my feelings when he took my male cousin fishing at night, but not me. I adored him anyway.

As you girls grow up, remember, your family is your family... strange, different, short, fat, tall, and even a little loco! I heard once that it would be boring if we were all alike. I think that must be right. Family shares a heritage as well as blood and chromosomes. I don't think you should give up on family. You should give them a bit more leeway, a wider berth. You should treat everyone well, but why would you treat a stranger better than family?

Ok... we are at Tia's house again, as Luna wanted us to be here for her first day of Kindergarten! She is so excited, and picked out a My Little Pony lunch box.

This morning we all went to the Farmer's Market! We saw lots of little dogs and bought nice organic fruits and veggies. Luna LOVES raw green beans!

Here she is tasting goat cheese!

Looking at plants for sale!

I'm guessing you girls have done your school shopping and have your lunch boxes and backpacks ready! How exciting! I sure wish I could see you on your first day of school too! I am very happy to see Luna's first day! I may even volunteer in her class, like I did in your's, Savannah! Won't that be great? We will probably be here for a while this time since the cost of gas is so high!

Well, I am going to go now. Remember I think of you a gazillion times a day, and miss you terribly! We are family and Tia and Luna also miss you so bad - it hurts us all.

I love you more than chicken and always will!
Love and Hugs, Mom Mom

Saturday, July 19, 2008

My Muse was Published!

Hello My Very Much Missed Sweeties,

I recently wrote this little article, that was recently published! It's about how proud I am to be YOUR grandmother, your brother's grandmother, and Luna's grandmother!

I am not a beautiful woman... just ordinary, but like most women, I was attentive of my appearance. Not overly so, though. A clean face, blemish cream, a touch each of blush, mascara and powder were all the cosmetics I used. When people guessed my age to be younger than was so, I secretly smiled inside and enjoyed the moment.

At 45, I became a proud and doting grandmother. I took Savannah with me everywhere while my daughter worked. (I worked the night shift at the hospital then.) Often, while in the grocery store or at the park, people would imply that I was Savannah’s mother. “Are you going to carry this bag for your mommy?” a clerk would ask Savannah. I always kindly corrected the clerk, the librarian or other folks that I was Savannah’s grandmother and took a modicum of pleasure in their incorrect assumptions.

As the years passed and two more precious granddaughters arrived, assumptions that I was Savannah, Mari or Luna’s mother greatly decreased. No one ever asked or intimated that I was Luna’s grandmother though. Because Luna is of Korean, Caucasian and Latina heritage and I am very pale, people would ask if she were adopted or tell me it was a wonderful thing I had done, rescuing her from China! It made no matter to me; I loved being a grandmother to these precious girls.

Storm clouds approached and my youngest daughter estranged herself from me. As an added punishment, she banned me from having any contact with Savannah and Mari. I cried for months. Nothing worked to reconcile her to me. I missed my daughter and those granddaughters that I had practically raised. We adored each other - those sweethearts and I loved each other so much and were together constantly. We had made a “girl’s room” in our home for them, with pink walls and a baby rabbit wallpaper border. A pink and white quilt on a queen sized bed, shelves of children’s books and drawers of coloring books and toys filled the room. Blue’s Clues shower stickers were on the shower wall and little girl’s bath products and toothbrushes abounded in my bathroom. This made me SO happy.

I sat in a deep depression for a year. I cried rivers. After more than three years, I have slowly come to (mostly) accept that I won’t see Savannah, Mari or their two little brothers for a long, long time. I still have a broken heart and dream of them most nights. I still have time with Luna and my other daughter, and for that I am VERY grateful.

Back to my appearance... I have aged immensely in the past four years. The cry lines under my eyes are permanent, so they seem, especially since I tend to “refresh” them from time to time. No amount of sleep or face creams have helped. I acknowledge the folds and furrows under my eyes now as part of who I am. I don't fret over my appearance any longer, though I still use make-up and do my hair!

Last week, at the playground with Luna, my five-year-old granddaughter, a boy of about 12 asked me, “Are you her grandmother or something?” Immediately, I felt proud and replied with a smile, “Yes, I am her grandmother.”

I thought for a moment, I am SO glad that my first response to that question was pride and not remorse for appearing to be a grandmother! The more I thought about it, the better I felt! I am SO proud to be a grandmother. I LOOK like a grandmother and that is OK! In fact, it is wonderful and liberating!

All stages of life have their benefits and I am grateful to be where I am. I pray and pray that one day my daughter’s heart will soften and I can be a grandmother to Savannah and Mari and their two little brothers whom I don’t know. In the meantime, I scrap the girl’s precious photos and hope. I also beam at the title “grandmother.”

~ A PROUD Grandmother!


I sure hope you girls are having a nice summer! I wonder if your school will go to a 4 day school week this fall. Did you go to the splash parks? I wondered if you went to see fireworks on the fourth as well.

We're getting ready to go to Colorado for a while. Luna asked that we be there for her first day of Kindergarten, and we are going. We might have gone up sooner, to escape this heat, but I need to have a second MRI. We'll go soon after, and come back if I need treatment. The heat sure does bother me more and more with each passing year! I look forward to the cooler weather, and cool breezes at Tia's house!

Luna and Tia got a new dog! They still have Botas, but they got a rescue dog- a blondish-white lab mix named Scarlet! She is really a digger and recently dug her way out of Tia's yard! Yikes! We've been caring for Thunderboy all this month and we know Cualli will miss him. We're sort of thinking of getting a smaller chihuahua for company for her.

Here's a picture of Cualli and her beloved squirrel toy! (It's a Beanie Baby dog toy!)

Love you girls more than chicken! Remember, I think of you a gazillion times a day, and love you more than chicken!

Love, Mom Mom

Saturday, July 05, 2008

My Bathroom

Hello my Sweeties, Savannah and Mari,

Since I am feeling somewhat better these days, I thought I'd write more often! I was able to post the last note to you without crying, so I'm giving it another shot!

Remember the Blue's Clues stickers in my shower? Well, they are still there, and I thought I would show you! You are both too big now to really care about Blue's Clues anymore, but they were a part of your past at my house!

Your yellow colander of toys is still here too! It was a joy to have Luna play with them a few weeks ago. She LOVED playing with them, but she said she did not remember playing with you girls in the tub. She does have lots of pictures though of those days though! I sure hope that you can meet up with her again one day and be happy cousins again. She REALLY misses you girls! It goes without saying that PopPop, Tia, and I REALLY miss you too!

Now for NEW stuff! I am redoing my bathroom in CRABS! I still have your stickers and some of your art work, along with that picture of your mom and Tia in the Mexican frame on the walls.

I decided to make my bathroom whimsical, and the crabs DO make me smile! Here is a washcloth! I found all the things on sale at our favorite store- Target!

The hand towels- TA da!

A crabby frame of my three precious granddaughters! (The photo does not show up well, but it is very clear in real life!

And finally a funny looking crab tissue cover! This really brightens the room and makes me smile!

I haven't done a WHOLE lot of smiling the past few years, so I can really use this! I started cleaning out your shoes in the closet of your room, but did not last too long. There are about 12 pair of outgrown shoes that are SO cute and sweet. I packed up as many as I could in a box to keep, but I could not stop crying, so I quit. I also plan on packing up your Cherished Teddies and Painted Ponies collections for safe keeping - to keep dust off, as I can't go in your room easily. I did sleep in there with Luna while she was here... I looked at the glow-in-the-dark stars that you girls just loved, and got tears in my ears! Don't worry Mari, Luna did not touch the teddies or horses. It was so sweet to cuddle Luna in there, and memories of cuddling you girls, and reading stories and playing in that room flooded back. I miss you so so so much. Thinking of you is all I have and even wonderful memories feels like a stab in the heart. Still, I think of you ALL the time. I am CONFIDENT that one day I will see you again- when you are older. I love you so so much. Even though I know I am the grandmother, it still feels like I lost my own children. We were so so close. We are close, as I know you still love me and Pop Pop.

I love you more than chicken, and will always be your grandmother!
Love, Mom Mom

Sunday, June 29, 2008


Hi Sweeties,

It is SO hot! I sure hope you are having a great summer vacation. I'm wondering if you'll go visit your other grandparents - I know you have a great time there, and maybe it is cooler there!

When we took Luna home, we took her to the Dinosaur Museum. We had a great day there. Guess what she is reaching for in that box? It is old, old, old dinosaur poop! Yuk! But it was so old, it just looked like an old rock!

The next day Luna and I made pancakes, and I made her this dinosaur shaped pancake. At least, it is supposed to look like a pancake!

I still miss you as much as I did before... just writing to you makes me SO sad. Everywhere I go, I remember when WE went there. But, last week, coming home from baase, while passing the "Salt Mountains" you both loved to see and I felt such a strong presence of you two girls. I could almost touch it... it was as if you were with me, and it made me feel so happy! I figure you were thinking of me too, and I know one day we will see you again. I KNOW it, and I plan for it!

Can you believe I may have jury duty again? I need to call tomorrow night to verify that I need to go! Amazing. I hope this time it does not last 4 months! Yikes!

While at Luna's house, I also took her to a cafe for ice cream one afternoon. Remember this outfit? It was yours, Savannah. It was too large for Luna, but she wanted to wear it. She misses you and Mari a lot too, and asks when we can see you all the time. She will be starting kindergarten this fall!

Well, I had better go for now. I'm waiting for the day when we are reunited! I'm praying for your mom's heart to soften.

I love you more than chicken!
Love, Mom Mom

Danniele Centeno

Thursday, June 05, 2008

No police were needed!

Hello Sweeties,

I am SO sorry about calling your house! I lost my head! Luna was at my house and SO wanted to play with you. I told her it would be impossible, but she asked if Danniele was mad at HER. I told her no, and she said she would draw your mom a picture to make her let you and Mari be able to play with her. I asked Marge to call you. She did, and spoke to you, telling you that Luna wanted to play with you. I, impulsively called you. I SO SO SO wanted to hear your voice, and when I did, you sounded so grown up! I never meant to cause you any stress or harm, and I apologize. I simply miss you and Mari so much, I feel I'll explode!

I was also totally shocked to have the police come to my house! I have NOT ever called your house since December 6, 2006, till a few weeks ago. Please forgive me, if your folks made it hard on you. One day you will understand how painful it is to me not to see or hear you girls. I am surprised the police even bothered, as I have never called before. The police said your parents would have me arrested if I ever called again! Believe me, it would be worth it for a minute of talking to you girls. But, to keep things peaceful for you, I will not call again.

Poor little Luna... all she wanted to do was see and play with you girls. She doesn't understand, and wonders and worries why your mom is mad at her. It's very hard to explain to her. Just know that all of us LOVE and MISS you. Me, Pop Pop, Tia and Luna all love and miss you very very much! I'd do anything to see you!

One of these days, you will find this blog and know how much we all miss and love you.

I love you girls more than chicken!
Love and hugs, Mom Mom

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Long, long time

Hello sweeties,

I have been unable to write lately as I just get too sad. I feel SO frustrated over not being able to see you. I can't describe it well, but it's sort of like being locked in a closet. Locked in a cage would be unpleasant, to be sure, but you could see and be seen. I feel locked in a closet, where no effort to get out works. No one sees you or knows how miserable you are. I feel like my hands are tied behind my back. I want to see you and hug you SO much. It's impossible NOT to think of you when I see so many little girls that remind me of you two. I'm blowing you kisses right now!

The upcoming Mother's Day will be the third (or fourth- I sometimes get confused over how much time we've been apart)without seeing you or your mom. It's hard to believe that this rift would last this long. I have not given up praying that we will see each other soon, and I also dream of the day when we DO see each other again. I sure wish your mom would realize these are years that can not be recovered. Our family is torn apart and hurting. Maybe your mom is happy without her mom, sister and niece, but we are SO sad, still. I feel I will NEVER recover this great loss. The hole in my heart is SO huge and SO painful. Thank God for Tia and Luna!

We are in Colorado visiting Luna and Tia. In a few days we are going to the Dinosaur Museum! Luna is SO excited. I love being here with her. She just saw the Nancy Drew movie and now Tia is reading her the books- and she loves them! Today Luna and I planted her "bean seeds". I should take a picture and post it for you!

We went to the pet store the other day, to get Cualli a dog tag, and there was this white chihuahua in a car. At first it reminded me of Marshmallow, but when he started barking and growling, he no longer looked like Marshmallow!

I miss you all so very much, I can't write without crying. BIG hugs and kisses to you and your brothers. I love you more than chicken!

Love, Mom Mom

Tuesday, March 18, 2008


Hello sweeties,

Boy, do I miss you girls. Not an hour goes by that I am not thinking of you and wondering how you are, and when will I see you again. I SO wish I could see you and hug you! My heart is SO broken without you in our lives. Just know that I will always love you and I'll always be your grandmother. Sometimes I wonder if you even remember me anymore. Maybe it would be easier if you forgot me. I know I NEVER will forget you, not for an hour. I look at your pictures every day!

Last week we went to California to visit Pop Pop's sister, Sharon. She lives in Bakersfield, not too far from your other grandparents in Paso Robles! We got to spend a lot of time with Sharon's granddaughters. The oldest girl is named Savannah! Her little sister is Cheyenne. Mari got to meet them, almost two years ago, when they came to Phoenix. We took Mari to the zoo, while you were in California with your Aunt Susie. Savannah is 6, almost 7, and Cheyenne is 3, almost 4! Cheyenne would come have lunch with us in our RV! We had a nice, relaxing time, and we got to see the girls riding their horse! I told them all about YOUR riding lessons too! Aren't they cute?
Luna called us tonight, just to say goodnight! We told her about our California trip too! Our puppy, Cualli is growing fast, but still small. She is about twice the size of your Piddles, but just as active! Yesterday she killed a small garter snake in the back yard. For some reason, she runs to your playhouse each time we let her out!

Pop Pop stepped on a mesquite thorn before we left for California, and it was sore for days. However, when we got to California, the wound got infected. On the way home, we had to stop at an ER, and Pop Pop got an IV. He is taking a lot of medicine, and his foot is all swollen!

I know Micah's birthday is this month, but I don't know what date. I sure would like to see him and tell him Happy Birthday. He must be 3 now?

Ok my sweet girls. I'll say good night for now. Thinking of you ALL the time! I love you and always will!

Love you more than chicken!
Love, Mom Mom

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Happy 10th Birthday, Savannah

Happy Birthday Miss Savannah!

I hope you have a wonderful birthday, Savannah! Will you be having a party? I hope you do, with lots of friends and a nice piñata too! I am constantly thinking of you, and feel so sad that I can't send you a gift. When the day comes that we can see you, I will make up for all the missed birthdays, Christmasses, Valentine's, and Easters!

There is not too much to tell you, that's interesting, that is. I think of you and your sister and brothers all the time... I always will!

Our new puppy, Cualli is growing and learning, quickly! You would not believe how Pop Pop spoils her! She even likes to watch TV! Have you seen the GEICO commercials with the gecko? Cualli barks at that little gecko! She is so funny! I'm afraid she is a little like Pancho was- she does not like strangers! She is slowly learning to like Rosa and Ernie though! I'll bet she'll love you girls- she sure does love Luna!

The picture above was taken on our last day together, December 2006. I can hardly believe this has lasted so long. I get so sad thinking of you girls and your brothers growing up and I am missing all the excitement!

Here's a picture of you, Savannah, when you were small! You are ALREADY 10 years old! Remember, Mom Mom will ALWAYS love you, and I am forever, your grandmother!!

Happy, Happy Birthday sweetie!

I love you more than chicken!
Love, Mom Mom

Friday, February 15, 2008

Fortune Cookies

Hello Sweet Girls,

Today I am posting pictures of the chocolate heart cookie pops and the fortune cookies Tia and Erica made and sent Pop Pop and me for Valentine's Day! Aren't they sweet? Since being diagnosed with diabetes, I can't eat them, but Pop Pop can! (I ate one fortune cookie!). Erica drove down to see her parents, and she and I had a very nice lunch yesterday, at the Wildflower Bread Company! Yum!

Tia really wants us to move to Colorado, huh?

Now, here is a picture of Cualli! She LOVES to burrow under pillows for her many naps! She is 6 months old now!

How did you girls like the rain today? Since today is Friday, I'm guessing you got out of school early. It's not often we have overcast days here, is it? We stayed in the house, except for an afternoon walk! I enjoyed staying in, cozy and comfy. The only thing that could have brightened my day would to have seen you!

I hope you had a great Valentine's Day! You and your brothers will ALWAYS be MY Valentine- for life!

I love you more than chicken! When I tell Luna that, she tells me she loves me more thn 91 giants and 200 unicorns! Ha ha!

Big hugs! Love, Mom Mom

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy Valentine's Day!

Picture from Flicker

Hello Sweeties,

Another Valentine's Day going by, and I can't see you or send you a Valentine. Remember how we used to bake cookies? These cookies reminded me of our fun, so thought I would post them. I sure miss you. I hope you had a nice party at school! Pop Pop got me a new digital drawing tablet, called a Bamboo... just what I wanted! Tia sent us some home made fortune cookies with cute fortunes, that SHE made up! Tonight I'll take pictures and post them so you can see! She also sent heart cookie-pops with our names on them.

We had our house painted! It's almost the same color, but it sure looks nice! I wish you could see it, and maybe someday soon you will!

Diana, the woman I tutor in reading got a Hannah Montana movie... do you girls still like her? If so, I'll bet you have seen the movie too! When I hear her name, I automatically think of you - if I wasn't ALREADY thinking of you!

Bye for now! Love you girls more than chicken. I love your brothers too, and hope they are well!

Love, Mom Mom

Friday, February 08, 2008

Sad News

Pancho went to doggie heaven today. Pop Pop and I have been in tears most of the day. The image of seeing puppy Pancho in your mom;s lap, almost 16 years ago has been in my mind all day. I came home from work, and your mom was holding puppy Pancho in her lap, while sitting on the kitchen floor. I tried to say "No", as we already had Sancho, but I could not resist. Pancho was SO cute and SO little. He used to ride in Pop Pop's housecoat pocket when he made the morning coffee.

We will miss Pancho greatly. Till his last days, he would look for you girls, waiting and looking at the front door, and trying to go into your room. He had not seen you in a long, long time, but he never forgot you.

I love you girls and I hope you are looking forward to Valentine's Day, and Savannah's birthday!
Love, Mom Mom

Miss you

Gosh I miss you girls. When I drive near your street, I take a detour, so I don't get too close. I am SO afraid I would drive to your house! I just want to see how big you've gotten and hug and kiss you/ Remember I love you forever!

A friend of mine sent me this in an email, and of course I thought of you girls!

Love you, Love you, Love you!
Love you more than chicken!
Mom Mom

Monday, February 04, 2008

Long time

Glitter Graphics -

Hello sweeties,

I have not been able to post in almost two months- posting here is like rubbing salt in the wound. I miss you SO much. I think of you allt he time, and wonder how you're doing in school, if you had a good Christmas, and that Savannah's birthday is coming up. This will be yet another birthday I will miss, not to mention Christmas.

I wonder every day how long this will go on. It's been one year and two months without seeing or talking to you. It's been three years and 3 months since your mom has spoken to me. It's storming right now... a huge thunderclap just occurred... I wonder if Mari or your little brothers were scared! Our new puppy sure was! She jumped right up and looked out the window! Your mom used to be SO scared of thunderstorms when she was small, and would go to sleep on my lap every time we had an electrical storm; back East, this was common in the spring!

Santa Claus brought Luna a doll house, very much like the one I had gotten years ago for you girls- the one you loved to play with in the sunroom. She asked me if I would bring it with me next time I go visit, so she can play with both, because she misses you girls SO much too. I think I will take it, and then bring it back to the sunroom.

Someone broke out a window in the sunroom while we were in Colorado, and the sunroom got FILTHY! I need to spend about two days cleaning it out. But your toys, toy box and Winnie the Pooh furniture is still there!

My honeys, I miss you so much, I can hardly stand it I keep thinking that one day you will knock on my door, or call me! I think it may happen! I LOVE you to pieces!

ONE day I will see you again, I am sure of it. I SO hate missing these years of your childhhood. We can never recover that time. But when you are bigger and seek me out, we will make up for lost time. I promise!

Here is Luna, at the Mexican restaurant, on her birthday!

This is Cualli, in her Christmas collar- she HATED it!

And, here is Luna, with the cookies and milk she put out for Santa Claus!

That's all for now, my sweetie pies!

I love you more than chicken!
Hugs and kisses, Mom Mom